hahs. this guy -- danyael from fios class told me this joke that he said was his funniest joke lahh.. i tell you all k..

a mushroom walks into a bar.. and the bartender says to the mushroom " Sorry we don't serve your kind in 'ere! "
to which the mushroom replies , " Why not...? I'm a fun-gi!"

lame right.. fun guy.. fun-gi.. aiyor.. wth.. its a stupidly lame joke!! ahh!

OMG!!! amanda is amazing.. ahhh she fixed my blog!!! whahas so happie now.. amanda.. you're a lifesaver!!! ohh okay.. maybe not a lifesaver... but you're sooo amazing.. hahas.. woahhh... :) okayy.... dun think i've got anything else to say liao.. but sighh.. cny eve is damn sian lor.. only got yr online.. sighh and she reply me is like once in a blue moon kind. so depressin. argh. :( ehh.. everybody.. hurry come online k...

ehh.. i went to change my gbk template to match my blog.. everybody.. go see k? and shun bian sign too alright?? yarr. yr.. you say you sign but i nv see you sign before leh.. okayy.. byeeee!!!

oh jus rememebered smth szuyu said that is sooo very untrue... SZUYU! how can you say christina oh.. is uglier than fio?!!!! you're going blind liao lorr.. as in christina frm stnicks. the tk express one.. in sabs and weilings clique tt one.. the very very pretty one... szuyu... i;m pissed with you!! VERY!! if it wasnt for you.. then me and wen came to school for nothing!!!! you idiot!!! i tot you were comin sch lor.. you cuckoo head!!!!

take quiz.

hahas. i got the prettiest girl!!!! :)

take quiz.

argh shit. i feel so damn sick right now. as in physically sick.. keep coughin and sneezin and havin the stupid stuffed nose. ugh. i hate being sick. think maybe i infected wen with my virus too.. hahas. i'm like so wo nang fei! arghhhh.. i think i sit at the com too long then my leg is like ma bi liao. its dammit icky feeling. argh. sch today was sian. they gave us sweets for new yr. but i'd rather haf st nicks chocolates.. hahas. then sab gave me some chocolate lahh.. its like one of the most ex chocolates i've ever eaten.. its like one box got eight thin slices and it costs 11 bucks. wth. not worth it right? summore it jus tastes like milk chocolate... :/ anyway its yr's present for sab lahh. yeah. okayy.. then today gave four periods of lessons lah. then wen and i was so bored durin the first period we went out and sat at one of the benches.. then ltr we zaoed maths lecture... cldnt find a nice place to settle in.. was in 101's classrm at first then ltr some empty classrms... and the ava room above the audi there.. then ltr under the foyer stairs there. so dumb of us right.. we kept tryin to hide from the teachers.. so dumb.. think wen and i are wo nang feis today.. ltr we went to econs lecture.. but the teacher forgot tt we have no recess and so dint teach us at all lah. so it was okay. ltr we wanted to zao sch but it was rainin outside qte heavily.. the dumb rain like nv stop for the whole day lor. then wen and i went to ps to watch the new tony movie. hahas. it's funny.. and yeah. tony is qte cute and funny in tt show.. hahas. really!! when he try and act cool he looks soo damn funny. okay. wont say anymore.. jus go watch it okay!?!?!? yeah. then after tt we went home liaoo. so i';m home now lorr.. hahas. yeahhh.

oh yarr... and i wanna say thanks to the person who was listenin to me ramblin on and on abt thing's tt made me upset... yeahhh... thanks..! dunno if the person will see this lahh but okayy jus say wun die right?

damn shit. i screwed my blog up!!! wen said manda cld help her fix it.. AMANDA! i need you... to help me... :(

argh. fuck. feels damn sick now. akmost fell aslp while standin and waitin for the cab lor. irritating. tmr's new yr... cant slp well again. sighh. and my mom like sorta saw wens blog today.. bet she saw it last time too.. :/ must be spyin on me... urghhh. :/ oh well. feelin terribly sick.... not gonna blog now.. byee..

woahhh i'm home. one of my aunts is so jian lor. its my grandaddys bdae today then she nv show up. puii. i nv liked her.. cus she always gimme rubbish xmas presents. hahas. all her presents look like 5 dollars type. eeyer. i dun like. :/ oh yarr.. then we had shou bao.. soo my granpa will haf a long life and all.. then we had the traditional stuff like the suckin pig and sharksfin.. then the abalone is like damn not nice lorr.. it looks damn deceptive lorr.. :/ then the fish tastes normal.. i dint eat pork or vege.. i dint eat scallops too. i ate abit fish and noodles.. nv touch desert at all.. :/ i tell you the desert is gross lorr.. some fungus and dumpling and snow frog! i dunno whats the snow thing called.. so call it snow frog... :/ dinner was terrible lah in general.. :/

happie bdae sabbie!

sabb.. i give your present nex time yeah? have a happy bdae.. wish you now cus i dint see you in sch.. only managed to wave at you for a while.. :)

sianned.

feel so cheated!!!! i'm supposed to have my granpas bdae dinner tonight. nobody told me!!!! irritating. lucky i came home early today.. hahas. but its four alrdy.. i hafta gp get ready at abt 6... sighhh.. wanted to wait til everyone's online then ask abt tmr... see if anybody's free to go out... :/ sighh. idiot. i hate the bdae tonight.... oh well.. i wun be hungry to eat anyway.. think i jus wear a tshirt there lah hor.. and skirt or smth.. smth somfortable... :/ hahas. sian ahh.. okayy.. think i wanna go do some quizzes.. i'll go look for quizzes now... byeee

ydae there was some prob with blogger so i cldnt blog. so dumb right. okay.. so i'll sorta blog for today and ydae together k?? this is my new template lahh.. wen says it looks unfinished.. as in like the bkground cannot be loaded on like tt.. :/ oh well..

ydae sch was sian.. but sch is always sian lahh... hahas. after sch then go wens hse lah.. but my stupid daddy cldnt fetch me.. think he had some stuff to do.. or i think my mom or dad's havin some office function.. cus none of them could go fetch me.. :/ cabbed back.. damn broke. but gonna ask for money ltr.. :) okayy.. then i got some funny things to say lahh.. tho it isnt soo funny when i say it.. but its dumb nonetheless yeah? okayy...

firstly right.. for the past two days i think.. szuyu kept talkin about huggin me... to practise to hug the sa guy that she liked.... but she say she dun really like the guy... cus her seniors said he's damn buaya lorr.. hmms. ohh yarr.. she always touch me one lorr... whenever she laugh she always like wanna laugh on my shoulders or my leg... dumb hor.. then i'll always sayy.. DONT TOUCH ME!!! think szuyu's gonna be like chunsi soon.. hahas. anyhow touch people one.. but nowadays she touch me is cus i always tell her not too lorr... eeyerr.. i mk her sound like a bian tai... ahahs. nvm lahh.

ohh.. and then right. ydae for gp we were supposed to split into 6 grps then we go do this essay in a grp lahh.. at first the teacher grped me wen yinkhuan andy and kevin together.. then i was like sayin tt hahas we confirm wun do anything.. okay.. the the gp teacher changed our grp.. then we had to do with this fag who sits infront of us. i mean wen and i lah. he's the one that wen shouted NNOOOOOO when he wanted to join our entreprenuership grp one.. but i thinkk before tt i keep sayin very audibly that i dun wan him in our grp then he zi dong tell teacher he join another grp.. then puis. the gp teacher grped me and wen to three faggs lor. and these faggs. are even worse than the three who sits in same row as wen and me... sigh.. then ltr like kevin and co. were laughin at us lorr.. cus i too big mouth hafta end up with them. sighh. then tyday we did grp work lah. then our essay qn has smth to do with computer games lor.. then wen told the faggot tt she bet he nv play any before right. then he said he played some before. then ltr i told him write egs. of games lah. i specifically told him warcraft 3's graphics and the game in general is good lah. then he wrote it down.. but you kow what he wrote???? WORLDcraft three. wtf. damn loser.. then he wrote tt cs the graphics is good. huhh... its like nt gd lorr.. jus soso.. then i told him.. then he say he nv play cs before.. loserrr... i mean. he say he play com games before but nv try cs? dumbo ass faggot... oh then still got one more time.. kevin called him faggot damn loudly lahh. then he turn ard and saidyou cal me parrot>? hahas. how lame can he get... :/

then actually today i wanna zao sch.. but decided against it in the end.. :/ so guai right. hahas. okayy..then wen and i dint zao any lesson today at all!!! hahahs. we and szuyu stayed all the way until 120 lor.. cus we end lesson 12 plus.. then stayed until we cld officially go home.. then we saw this malay guy's whose floorball skills is damn good lor.. and his soccer is like not bad alsoo.. he's become szuyu and wens idol!! hahas. but he;s damn short.. hahas. oh yarr.. then today is the first time i saw the julia play bball. cus she reminds me of chrystle lahh... then kuek[chrystle]'s bball is like damn gd until can play for other clubs lahh.. then kuek is also attractive and very alike to julia... then the julia's bball is really qte can.. i mean. she plays abit like me lorr.. hahas... soo i was like abit surprised lorr.. yeah... oh yarr.. i dun think julia's not so pretty anymore liao.. i jus think she can carry herself well and she's attractive lorr.... her face not pretty like chrystles like tt.. but when look at her the whole thing lah. then she's pretty... funny horr.. in case anyone dunnoe who's julia.. she's the pretty girl from sjc bball.. i think. :/ okayy.. thats all lorr.. think my entry;s damn long.. :/ okayy.. byeeee

okay.. i changed it back. i'm really feelin very bad now.. then wen's like showin not much remorse like tt.. sighh.. szuyu.. come online lehh. feel guilty with me!!! ah. tmr go sch. i hope i dun see fio lorr.. ahh!! i'll feel soo terrible. oh yar. hope i dun see yongquan as well. sighh

ahh!! we jus did smth terrible! sighh. i feel terrible too.. szuyu feels terrible too.. but dunno abt wen lah.. huhh.. dunno lahh. it feels very mean!! ahh. i jus redid my blog.. sighh. at first it was bitch.. but someone told me not nice to put there.. so i put angel!! sighhh... i miss my angel... i jus received smth damn sweet and sad today.. sigh. so sweet.. but so sad. okay.. only wen knows lah. dun wanna tell anybody.. :/ okay.. today was sian. wont say much.. feelin too evil. sighh. but in a way its better to say now then for him to find out in the future right? szuyu agrees too..
i feel evil!!!

heyyy! i'm home! went back to st nicks. to get my cca record lor.. i go b3! actually i knew it long ago.. but.. aiyarr.. jus say lorr. my bro is damn stupid lor. i mean. he's always gloatin over me.. i said i went back to sch to get my cca lah.. then i think i got 7 cca points lahh. then my bro is sooo arrogant lor. i mean he said... i already have five points and he hasnt ever gone for syf yet.. sooo irritating. puis. think he confirm get a1 lorr. ughh. oh wait.. i've got dinner now. i'll be back ltr!!! :)
----------------------------------dinner time!
heyy i'm back.. be busy for the next hr or so.. gonna try and redo my template. yepp. soo seeya all ard!

heyyy everyone.. today was okay.. but i'm in a gd mood now lahh. so.. everything feels right... the fio's gonna-be-bf asked me to go listen to some love story frm 93.3.. yeah. its abit sad soundin.. havent finish hearin yet... :) yeahh.. and you know.. he's damn amazin lor. i mean... he said he listens to it everyday aiyorr.. i'm gettin goosebumps all over! ahhh... anyway. the story jus reminds me of smth.. sighh... okay.. okay. its over. and talkin to the yongquan is irritatin lor. he gets dced like every few mins or smth.. so weird. okay.

my day was sian.. afetr sch went to wens house lah. then szuyu also went... we ate prata... i ate 3 plain ones. then szu ate 2 cheese and 1 plain. hahas. and she said the curry was damn hot.. hahas. i mean... its not even remotely hot lorr... sooo funny... her tolerance for chilli is soo much lower than wens. hahas.. and wens isnt high at all.. hahas. okay. i feel dumb... talkin bout chilli's makin me damnn hungry!!! but... i feel hungry damn hungry.. so. its dumb to say it. yeah. today's pe was like qte short. alot shorter than the original time lah. cus amir had a meetin mah. yeah.. so.. he cut our pe short. yeah. then our pe today was not nice lor. wen and my grp is the dasheng grp. you knw look like the dasheng frm zhen qing? yeahh.. and they're all fatties! hahas. then wen and i and szu dint zao any lessons at all the whole day lor.. and i dint even slp! omg. its amazin right.. hahas.

then durin econs lecture wen was being damn weird.. cus at first we were lookin at the guy's moustaches and goaties or whatever. cus we tot it was gross.. then ltr as in really ltr lor. after a real long time.. wen still kept lookin round for facial hair lor.. i tell you.. she's damn weird.. if the guy has facial hair.. she'd say he's gross. if he doesnt have.. she jus keeps lookin around the guy for his facial hair lor.. damn dumb.. hahas. wen is weird.. yeahh. but i've known it all along.. :) for ilke what. 7 years? hahas. she keep sayin i;m bimbo.. and i keep thinkin she's weird. thinking only k..i'm nicer!! hahas. okay. then after that we went for accts lecture lahh. cus we went in late then the teacher asked us to sit in front lor... huhh. so horrible right. then hafta copy dwn notes.. cus if not its damn damn obvious.. okay.. nothing much left to blog liao... soo byeee.....

woahh.. jus bathed.. hahas. came home at 9 plus today.. went to town then thompson plaza with wen.. :/ she went to get her new yr clothes. this pair of shorts and this skirt! hahas.. she bot the skirt all due to my good influence.. okayy.. i doubt the good part.. but its my influence alright? then we went to thompson plaza. at first wanted to tk usin the machine but it jus ate up wen's money.. so irritatin right. then wen called the company to complain. but they ask her to call again tmr.. weirdo! hahas. and so we went to this kodak shop to tk photo.. hahas. super funny.. we both look kinda ugly.. :/ wen's smile doesnt look like a smile.. and my eyes are half closed.. :/ oh yar.. and we bot some sweaters.. hahas. damn cheap lorr.. but its plain. and i still wanna get another one... similar to my old hawk's one.. :) yeah. i'll get it after new yr... with my hongpao money.. then i can wear to hk.. cus it'll be cold then.. but my mommy's fren who stays in australia said its not cold.. but australia also haf 4 seasons whta.. soo.. i dunno.. i'm gonna bring my red bennetton coat along.. hahas. its bright lorr.. hahas. but i like!!! lalas. i'm soo happy.. i'm goin hk yeah! actually my mom ask if i wanted to go aus.. but i nv go hk before mahh. australia i went liao.. so its like my first time goin to hk lehhh.. dun laugh alright... i very suaku one... -happy- hahas. alright. i'll stop bloggin now... seeya all tmr! :) hahas. got pe too.. but i'd rather play with our own class people instead of 106... cus.... i think if wen and i play with our class people with last wks team... we'll win all of them.. :) hahas. our class full of faggs what.. then i think wen and i and the xiangling are to sportiest in our class? yeah! hahas. okay. but i dun wanna wear the disgustin oi shorts.. sighh.. bye!!!

someday we'll know if love could move a mountain

someday we'll know why the sky is blue

someday we'll know why i wasnt meant for you


i wanna take you to the end of the rainbow

watch the stars crash into the sea

if i cld ask god jus one qn

why arent you here with me tonight

((.too late for regrets.))

sigh. you've gotten yourself someone new. so fast so quickly so damn fast. sigh. okay. feel soo terrible. :(
stupid fucked up bastard. idiot idiot idiot!!! i hope your new girl will get knocked down by a car and die. puii. must be some stupid slut from god knows where. prob from geylang. urghh. i'm so damn pissed. fuck offfff argh. go to hell.. puiiii

jus helped my fren to do his blog. its kinda ugly.. but i did it myself! as in i dint use the template frm the blogger lahh. wahahas soo proud of myself!!! cus i did it from scratch! ahhh happy!

what the hell. how on earth can avril lavigne win the STYLE award i ask you. what kind of style does she haf? pui.. so ugly! sighh.. her dressin style is so terrible and its sooo far from being her 'punk' look... arghh she won three awards lor.. how come?! aiyorr... :(

i;m home.. went to oi today.. hahas. so miraculous right... i went to sch.. on a sat.. sighh. silly me. then wen szuuyu yr all dint go at least i had sab and rach and chuns. yepp. then we discussed about the entreprenuership thing. yeahh. and some guy asked for joanna's hp no. only wen knows who she is lahh.. my cg's monitor. :) she dont wanna give lah... so i helped her to give the guy lorr.. :) and the guy;s called alvin.. i'm so helpful right. then right we took a sort of sample gp paper. it was soo damn hard lorr.. oh yar. and wen.. i helped you jonathan shawn andy kevin tk attndance... i'm soo nice right.. the the accts teacher asked to ask you and jonathan to see her then i said you two went toilet together. then she gave me a weird look that sort of says.. why are the two of you together? she asked the class to tell you and j. to see her afterwards. so jus say you both forgot okay?? yeah. oh yar.. and then i found out who's the girl sab was talkin abt in her blog liao... she looks qte skinny... not at all like the fattie flirtin girl sab was talkin bout.. yeah. then sab also said this girl valerie's tummy looked like the michelin tyres thing..hahas but she said it as marshmallow tyre thing.. hahas. soo funny lor.. yeahh..

oh yar.. wen... y'know the rongtai.. one of the f3.. he likes celestine lorr.. sooo weird.. i tot he's a fag.. :/ o dumb. the celestine told him she has a bf liao lorr.. but tt one i dunno if its true or false lahh... sooo weirdooo-ish. hahas.

jus deleted one of my old posts.. cus i realised that the someone i wrote about reads my blog too! soo.. i hafta hope tt the person dint see the post... yeppp.. anyway. i'll jus say i feel cheated for the weird hair guys.. yeahh. soo cheated.!

((.why.))
why do i have to pretend to be so strong. when i;m really crumbling inside. why do i hafta turn you away when i'm cryin out in need for you. why do i hafta be such an ass. sigh. its all over. all over. stupid me.. goodbye baby.

okay.. i'm usin my bro's com to blog now... wonder if i should change my blogs layout.. okayy... gimme some ideas can?? i very sick of seein with pink and blue liaooo.. yepps. think my com's gonna be back soon! yippie! either today or tmr liao.. wooohoo! haha. i dint go school today cus todays school is at pasir ris park. its a fitness day. ahas. and you hafta wear the oi pe shirt everywhere lorr.. its SOO paiseh! arghss.. puis. soo i dint go wanted to go back to stnicks today to get my cca record but no one wanted to go with me.. today wen asked if i still wanted to go.. but i dint really feel like and i think she dint feel like either.. soo.. okay.. yepps. my bro jus went to school for cca.. he dint go for regular school as well.. hahas. soo good right.. so actually out of five days of school this week he only went for 3... hahas. okayy.. talkin crap now. so err... okayy.. got nothin much to say too.. oh yarr yr. get yourself a gbk leh.. :)

omg... i asked my maid to buy eight days for me lah.. then on the stupid eight days cover.. is AVRIL LAVIGNE! arghh.. they put it there as the good the bad and the ugly.. i mean like huhh!! i tot lavigne wld be ugly.. BUT shes the GOOD lorr.. puis... puis!!!! the mariah carey is the bad.. chsictina aguilera is the ugly.. i think that christina aguilera is so definitely prettier AND better than raccoon shit lor. sighh. dunno what has come over the world today.. :/ argh!!!

-tearing up my heart when i'm with you
but when we are apart i feel it to-

won't be able to blog anymroe for a few days.. my com has to be sent to repair... smth wrong with the internet explorer.. sighh. so this is probaby my last entry.. might be able to use the com once in a while.. but only to sign gbks and such... sighh... shld i go school on friday..? wen doesnt want to go but szuyu doesnt mind.. and rach and sab definitely will.. mmms. i dun really wanna go all the way to pasir ris for the fitness day... why cant they have it in somewhere like bishan.. sighh.. i mean bishan's soo much nearer..cus i got no money left.. how to go home i ask you.. -depressed- okay. anyway. i should like budget myself or smth.. dont you think so? okay.. my dar asked me to go back to her.. usually i wont even hesitate and go back.. and yet ydae and today. i dint know if i should.. sighh. i'm so stupid. so i told her i dont wanna. sigh. i'm such an idiot.. but i think that we'll always quarrel.. always break up.. i dont wanna get hurt so many times.. chang tong bu ru duan tong.. sigh.. dunno what else to say. okay. thats it.. bye.. blog again by the end of the week.. :/ bye..

sigh. i'm such an idiot. i miss you. nothing much to say.. bye. see everyone tmr... :/

i dont want to keep turning back. i want to walk on. altho i'm sad. altho i'm heartbroken altho i need you. i know things wont go our way. i know it wont work out. becus we've already tried so many times. and each time it jus fails. gets worse than the next. sigh. when you msged me today. i was so happy. and yet i know that i shouldnt be. i kept wanting to talk to you the way i used to. and yet i know its hard to walk away again the next time. it gets harder and harder. i dont have the faith anymore. i'm sorry.i really dont have the strength to go on. the faith to carry me thru. i'm sorry for upsetting you. hurtin you. sorry for everything.

huhh.. wen's mom is abit crazy lehh.. she's soo damn effecient lor.. i mean.. i jus said that i might be going to hongkong durin the chinese new year period. as in the fifteen days part lahh to wen ydae.. then like wen jus very sui2 bian4 tell her mom then her mom like went to book tickets and EVERYTHING lor.. wahhhh.. gave me a shock lorr.. :)
yeahh... omg wen.. i can see your blog liao!! hahas.but i still cant see mine.. :(

can take this as a way to forget.. :/

((a dull ache fills my senses))

all i am all i'll be
everything in this world
more than i'll ever need
its in your eyes
shining at me
when you smile
i can feel all my passion unfolding
your hand brushes mine
and a thousand sensations
seduce me cus i

i do cherish you
for the rest of my life
you dont hafta think twice
i will love you still
from the depths of my soul
its beyond my control
i've waited so long to say this to you
if you ask me do i love you this much
i do.

in my world before you
i lived outside my emotions
dint know where i was going
til the day i found you
how you opened my life
to a new paradise
in a world torn by change
still with all my heart
til my dying day

i do cherish you
for the rest of my life
you dont hafta think twice
i will love you still
from the depths of my soul
its beyond my control
i've waited so long to say this to you
if you ask me do i love you this much
i do.

if you're asking do i love you this much
i do.. baby i do.

okay.. things are pretty much over. altho in the past i keep thinking that way.. i know this time its really the end. yeah. so i hafta move and.. and not dwell on things that only remind me of the times we've had. sighh.
anyway. today. wen came my house for a while lahh. i'm practically broke now.. with 6 bucks for the rest of the month. like what the hell. oi's food is really damn ex lor. okay. today was boring. wen and i zaoed both lectures. then we left school at 12+ sigh. boring day... and there was some dumb stuff taht happened. for accounts we take attndance ourselves one lah the teacher pass it around then you sign where your name is lahh. okay.. then wen szuyu and i dint go for accts lecture. someone helped us all to sign lah. the people in my class is quite nice lah hor.. and wen and my signature looks like our normal one lahh. okay. then er. kevin andy shawn zaoed school lahh then someone helped them to sign.. but the signature was soo damn funny i tell you. esp shawns. when wen and i saw we started laughing non stop lorr.. mmm. dunno how to explain lahh. okay. then one of the f3 in my class said smth funny lorr.. yeahh. for the first time. yeahh. so stupid. the teacher asked him whether he would like to explain.. which obviously means she's telling you to explain right but the faggot went to say no immediately lorr. i mean. its funny for someone like him to say no lahh. yeah. soo stupid.. yepp. that's about it. my day up til now.. sigh.

over.

i really miss you and love you so much
why did you have to leave.. -sighs-
i wonder how i can smile with all the tears in my eyes.
having to face the world
as if nothing was wrong.
i need you.

its over. again. as always. we always break up.
i know. its my fault again.
why is it like that. why is it always like that.
there're no changesnow. no changes ever.
i cant change.
i dont expect myself to anyway.

hoping against hope to find someone who loves me.
but i have you.
its different. you've left me. or i left you. its the same.
you're no longer here with me.
feels burning on the inside.
like as though smth is being torn apart. broken. shattered.
i know what it is. its my heart.
feels too numb to notice.
too numb. too painful. too hurtful.
dont wanna feel. dont wanna see.

goodbye's always the hardest word.
i will learn to be strong.
i have to.
goodbye.
i will be strong.

i really wanna leave..
to walk away.
to jus be independent.
to stand up by myself.
but each time i try.
regrets fill my mind.
fill my soul.
what am i to do.
when so many conflicts are within me.
i cant let go.
and yet i cant stay on.
i really dont know.

will someone please help me. save me from this mess

from now on.. she's just daphne tan. no longer my baby.. my swtie. my angel. my love.
jus daph.
sighh
wonder how i'll get used to it.

and somehow my dad figured out that daph got kicked out of st nicks. okay. then he kept askin me where she went to and like ask me to ask daph to work hard if not she cant go u. then come out then got no work. okay. he's basically being nicer about daph cus he thinks that we're still together.. and basically i think my dad's quite a nice guy lahh. so unlike their daughter. okay. so if daphne tan. you see this. work hard. i mean its my dad asking you to work hard. its so nice of him. from my point of view. bet if its daphs parents they'll say they hope i fail my Os or smth. okay. not like i give a fuck. we've broken up. for good. things are getting too turbulent and messy. too many breakups. too many unhappy times together. i mean its like we break up for two days get back for a few days then we break up again. too messy lahh seriously. okay. anyway. sorry for beign fucked up today. but really. unless somehow a miracle happens and we dont keep argueing everyday.. i dont want to keep going thru this. bye baby. goodbye.

loved and lost
again

okay. i did smth terribly stupid. its like after sch wen and i went to come soup shop and drank black chicken soup? yeah. then ltr i came home. my dar asked me to go up to the thirteenth floor lahh. say she left smth there for me. okay. its damn obvious at least to me that she wanted to surprise me and cheer me up and all. okay. but it dint work. i mean. i was soo damn exhausted and i jus wanted to go home and rest and feel the aircon. take a bath change my pad and all. okayy. but becus she showed up. she obviously expects me to pei ta right. sighh. wahtever. i know i'm selfish. but i hinted damn broadly that i wanted to go home and rest lahh. then the whole time i dint smile at all. okayy. but i was too tired to smile and like i hated to hafta buy the stupid oi pe shirt and shorts. waste of money right. okay. yeah. and after that we got into some argument. and i broke up with her. sigh. wahtever. i dont feel sad or anything right now.. maybe the emotions will sort of hit me ltr. okay. its kinda stupid. i know. but oh well. its over. i really dont wanna go back. feel there;s too much stress and sighh. i dunno.

baby. i've got smth to tell you. i'm nt like what you want me to be and its very hard for me to be that way. its very stressful to try and be that way. relationships usually are only the way you want them to be in the start. things change after a while. the newness wears off. i appreciate you being so sweet. but i jus cant be so swt anymore.. i dunno how to say it. i hope you understand. things are just different. i;m sorry. but you just cant accept the way i am and i dont want to keep hearing the same 'story' that you rant off each time i sort of dun appreciate you. so sorry. goodbye baby. i love you.

wahaha i soo damn happy todayy... we made up.. -smiles- okay anyway... i went to sizzlers for dinner.. found tt i cant eat as much anymore.. i like ate two pieces of chicken and 3 bowls of soup and one dish of icecream and a coke. okayy. thats about it.. and i went to take some stupid instant photo to hand in.. it turned out like shit lor. cus it was from the machine and no one told me when the camera was gonna click. argh. turned out like shit. dont wanna hand in liao. sighh..

i love you baby ahhhhh im so happy now!

dun think that kristen krueks very pretty leh at least not here.. mms. yeahh.

why does the sun go on shining
why does the sea rush to shore
dont they know
its the end of the world
cus you dont love me anymore

[[feels empty. cold. alone. desolate. ]]

where are the arms to support me when i fall
where are the arms to hold me when i'm feeling lost
where are the smiles that lit up my day
where are the eyes that express so much love
where are you..

you left.
this time its forever.
each time i always think you're going forever.
but each time you come back.
and each time its taking you longer.
its been harder for you to come back.
i really dont know.
is being with me that hard
is loving me that tough.
is it all worth it.
the tears. the pain.
the heartbreaks.
i love you.
i cant help it.
it gets harder to live on each day
knowing that you're slipping further out of my grasp.
knowing that you will jus leave me forever
if i jus slacken my grip a little.
if feelings are mutual
if no one nothing stands in our way
is it so hard to be together..
or are we standing in our path to love.
i'm running out of tears to cry
running out of hope to hold on
running out of love.

stupid irritating blogger. i cant even see my recent entries. the one tahts today. if you can tell me okay????

i keep wanting to let go.
i keep wanting to walk away.
but something seems to keep pulling me back to where you are.
maybe i just need more time...
i dont know.
maybe i just need you to stay with me always and forever.
but its not gonna happen.
so maybe if i'll be stronger. tougher.
i can leave it all behind and walk away from you..
maybe..
just maybe...
i love you too much to let go..
too much.
but you thought that i can.
you always said that i can move on and forget.
i really hope i can.
walkig away and moving on..
leaving the person you love is so hard..

woke up about eleven today. cant sleep much recently.. also dunno why. but its jus hard to sleep much anymore. sighh. yeah. so i woke up and ate and then i'm at the com again.. the coms like always being used by me.. probably cus the microsoft internet explorer is fucked up and i'm the only one who's using msn explorer.. -evil chuckle- sigh. so thats about it.

.letting go.
.i will.

i'm home. jus now was quite fun lah.. yeah. i did smth tt i'm soo super proud of lehh.. i started the fire for the bbq. hahas. like there's finally a use for me right.. even geraint was surprised. wish geraint wong dint go the bbq thing.. he's really quite extra there. and he contributed to the noise level too. :/ okay.. start from the start yeah.

when i first went there there was only rach sab and yr lor. soo totally deserted. then ltr sara came and we went to play daidee.. :/ sigh. yeahh. it was stupid. i tot i was like quite sut sut like that cus i got four tens lehh.. but then sara ann had four jacks. totally shocked lehh! hahs. okay. so obviously she won lorr.. only played one game. with sara sab and me. three player lah. were teaching sab to play. yeah. then ltr slowly everyone came lorr. ivy rebonded her hair lahh.. then when she came i tot she was dong li huo che the guy the kang tot she was a fat woman then ltr everyone said she looked like a latino guy.. like a bung. hahas. but more successful than kw. yepps. anyway. the bbq food was not very good and i'm still a lil hungry.. but nvm lahh.. we went to play sparkles.. we broke the flammable parts of the sparkles off and arranged them in the word 4d lahh. then we lighted it.. was too bright to see anything really. but think that it was kinda cool.. cus it burnt wens slipper! hahas. tho its evil to laugh. but its really kinda funny.. :) oh then ltr right. we went up to watch man u match. btu geraint ivy yr shunyi debb and whoever else were soo damn noisy lor. soooo hard to hear the commentator.. but whahas! man utd still won by a last min effort by diego forlan! hahas. he's like become man u's savior many many times liao. then wen i and were helpin esta to redo her blog's layout cus when i was doin the links thing for her. i think smth went wrong and all her entries disappeared. anyway. i went to trim my hair again. BUT i bet no one will ever notice it lor. silly me. huh.. oh yarr. today grace like wore this almost transparent top that says playboy on the front lor.. and inside was wearin this red bikini halter top thing. the two triangles one.. and levis that look terribly huge on her.. think she looked weird.. as in not weird weird. jus not nice looking lah.. dunno why sara says grace looked good. yepps. thats mainly my day lah. so yeah! okay.

i will learn to forget. i have to.

standing up on my own

sigh.. ltr got class gathering.. hope yr kept her promise and got me what i wanted.. -smiles- oh yarr.. anyway. i woke up damn fuckin early today.. like at 9 plus. so damn irritated lorr. i keep waking up at nine o clock these days. so tired yet i cant sleep. sighh yeahh. nothing much to do.. sigh..see everyone ltr in yrs house.. :/

i'm all out of love
i'm so lost without you
i knew you were right
believing for so long
i'm all out of love
what am i without you
i cant be too late
to say tt i was so wrong..

today i've blogged the most ever. sigh. think its the myriad of emotions in me that i cant express and dont know how to express. but its all okay. i will be okay. the below entry is meant for my dar. anyone can read it but its meant for her and her only. quite obvious actually. sigh. baby... i really dont wanna let go.. but i jus feel that i hafta.. i'm too sick to hold on anymore.

[ i dont wanna shed a tear for you. so forgive me if i do]

i promise to myself i wont cry for you anymore.. this time. i'll keep this promise.

what. you're jus gonna break with me cus i was unhappy today. waht the hell. why cant i be unhappy. i'm unreasonable and everything one what. sigh. do anything you want. i'm a waste of time. and i'm gone huh. since i;m such a fuckin waste of time. dont talk to me again. i dont wanna be with you anymore. it hurts to see you leave. it hurts more to let you leave and not do a thing. but i will let you go. and i wont do a thing. i wanted to hold on and be forever.. but i know after i've seen your blog that there's really no hope of you comin back to me.. i know when i should stop bothering. i know when i should stop loving. i know i was nv there for you. i know i'm nv nice or i nv made you smile for a long time. i guess this time its really over. the past three months have been really horrible with all the disputes and uncertainties. but at least i have four months worth of happy memories of us.. in the past i'd always think tt why does everything have to come in our way and ruin us. and i tot we could brave everything. but when it comes down to it. we end up like almost everyone else. we hafta break ourselves up. i'm tired of this so tired. but everytime you leave me. i still try to hold on so desperately becus i love you.. and i knew you love me. i'm not strong. i cant carry too much weight on my shoulders. i know i cant. and now when i read your blog. i finally realised that love has nothing to do with it anymore. it doesnt matter no matter how much i love you. i nv realised how hard it is to hold the tears back and to feel smth risin frm your throat. but now i know. and now i know what i should do.. i should have done what you told me to long ago. i should leave and probably find someone else.. maybe time will heal all wounds.. but i'm forever scarred.. sigh. i thought of that myself when i was in sec2.. when i was peeling scabs off the cuts on my knees. i shared so much with you and i dont know how can i stand it.. how can i stand up on my own.. you've always been there in the past 8months and you've been supportin me all of the way. without you.. i dont know where would i be. but i know its definitely not where i am now. sigh. but i'm not unhappy or anything. i jus dont know how to live without you.. you've always been there for me. becus i had you to lean on.. i forgot how to stand on my own feet for a long time.. you've been a pillar of support. you've given me strength to go on when i thought i couldnt. you gave me love. you taught me how to love. you are my one my only. and i will never forget you baby.. never.. but as it is.. i know what i shld do.. altho i keep hoping that you'd come back to me.. as each minute passes me by. i know the chances are gettin slimmer and slimmer. sighh. so for the first time in 8 months... i'll try to stand up by myself again... and stop leaning on you. and i'll never depend so entirely on anyone again.. becus i dont want to have to face unpleasant things such as this.. so i pray that from today onwards.. i can walk away from you. i can be strong again. i will still look back on the best part of my life as the past months. now i knwo what you mean by we can nv be happy.. despite our feelings. despite my feelings. i'm still not selfless or considerate.. but then i have never been and will probably nv be.. i'm sorry but thats just me. im sorry for the hurt the pain that i caused you in the past few months.. i'm sorry for many many things i've done with you.. but i'm not sorry and will nv be sorry for tellin you taht i love you long ago on may 29 2001. sigh. i'll nv forget how swt you were not are becus in the past few days.. despite being together. i've nv felt happy. and i think you dint too. so maybe you were right in endin it all. you were not wrong.. i was wrong.. in making promises i couldnt keep. sigh. goodbye baby. forever.

you'll be in my heart. always.

i blogged helluva lot. but at least i'm feelin better. szuyu taht admirer is another fag lor.. he does HOUSEWORK. hahas. like one of the f3 in my class. meaning faggot three.yeahh..

sigh.. baby.. altho i cheered up it doesnt mean tt i'm not sad.. it doesnt mean tt i dont need you.. or i dont love you. or i dont miss you. i still do... and i still will. forever.

and heres what he said bt wen..

[17:48] at least you're better than yiwen lar
[17:48] she's not very sociable is she?
[17:50] she's hell of a hard person to talk to
[17:51] ya...but i dun have much gd to say abt her
[17:51] she's probably why i give up hope
[17:52] though it's probably me that's too 'weak'
[17:53] ok
[17:54] that's bloody anti soc man
[17:54] or maybe she just hate guys or something
[17:55] maybe she being protective or something
[17:55] protective?
[17:55] of szu

hahas. wen i think he thinks you're crk lehh!!!

szuyus admirer went to talk to me. dumb ass conversation. anyway. i feel cheered up.. sigh. but i still love you and miss you lots baby...

[17:30] you're the szus admirer right??
[17:30] yeah
[17:30] hows your er..
[17:30] but...
[17:30] haha
[17:30] sorta ermm.. attack or wahtever
[17:30] i can 4get it liao
[17:30] why???
[17:30] i think i kinda blew it...
[17:30] but it couldn't be helped
[17:31] oh..
[17:31] so...that's behind me now (or soon)
[17:31] how did you err.. blow it
[17:31] what happenn
[17:31] it's was quite impossible in the first place
[17:31] my fren gave me her number....but the thing is that...he kinda stole it from some list or something
[17:32] then later he dowan to help liao
[17:32] so it's either i tried or die die lor
[17:32] so i tried lor....
[17:33] but first time trying so i think i blew it lah
[17:33] i think she wasn't interested in the first place....
[17:33] it's kinda freaky mah..
[17:33] hahas
[17:33] why freaky
[17:34] can u imagine if someone u dun know just msg you?
[17:34] lol
[17:34] but that must've been the most daring thing i've ever done in my life....
[17:34] oh. she rejected you or what
[17:35] bet she pretend you got wrong no. right
[17:35] ya
[17:35] and i actually believe it
[17:35] stupid man
[17:35] hahs. then what
[17:35] then i told the 'guy' everything....!!!
[17:36] i think she freaked also lah
[17:37] first time lehz...
[17:38] er then
[17:38] but why you go tell a guy you dont even know lehh
[17:39] i think her fren call me then ask me to stop msging her
[17:39] then i kenna freak out...a bit speechless and all
[17:39] hahas
[17:39] sorry.. that was bad.. i mean laughing
[17:39] i was like....eh...how come a guy sounds so....boy...
[17:39] her fren not her ah???
[17:39] i dunno
[17:40] why you think its her fren
[17:40] no lah..i think quite funny when i think abt it also...
[17:40] er...
[17:40] i tot i could get like u noe..advice from the guy mah
[17:41] wah lau i so newbie
[17:41] haha i think next friday i going OI blay bball with some of the guys
[17:41] err.. then you gonna approach her ah
[17:41] but that's after sch then i going mah
[17:42] oh.. cheyy
[17:42] wah lau u think i go pontang sch to go OI and play issit?
[17:42] err...
[17:42] yeah
[17:42] lol
[17:43] nvrmind lah i first time i think i did way too much liaoz
[17:43] mmm..
[17:43] still going to have next time ahh..
[17:43] i dunno...
[17:43] hehe
[17:43] someday...
[17:43] it's hard to come by someone u want to know
[17:44] but szuyus er character is she wont change her mind easily one..
[17:44] mmms.
[17:44] oh..
[17:44] change her mind abt wat?
[17:44] about everything?
[17:44] eg like this lor
[17:44] aiyoh...same...how did u think i actually last so long??
[17:45] 2 weeks only right
[17:45] yeah
[17:45] only arh?
[17:45] holy hell....
[17:45] plus i'm not really a head turner u noe.
[17:45] mms. oh..
[17:45] szuyu like some sajc guy now lehh
[17:46] saw before.
[17:46] u think i super yandao issit? tom pitt, brad cruise issit?
[17:46] think hes notbad lehh
[17:46] ya i know
[17:46] must be damn yandao one lah
[17:47] actually yarr
[17:47] he is
[17:47] dont wanna er
[17:47] disappoint you too much mahh
[17:47] ya i understand
[17:48] a year older
[17:48] guess i'm not much competition

whta the hells wrong with me man.. actin so nice.. wen keep sayin i;m two faced. ahahs. i was the one who called him to scold him lehh!!!! hahas.. and tt irritatin SOB say i sound like a boy. puis.

baby come back to me
remember how it used to be
paradise is jus out of reach
baby wont you pplease come back to me

another night here alone
starin at the telephone
willin you to make that call
to bring you back where you belong
its been three hard weeks
baby the longest days
and i need to hear your voice
and feel your soft skin by my side
we said things taht we shouldnt have
i take back every word
dont you know i can turn back time
its only you pay the price

baby come back to me
remember how it used to be
without you i'm incomplete
feel the pain with every heartbeat
baby come back to me
inside i;m dyin piece by piece
paradise is jus out of reach
baby wont you please come back to me
the day that we said goodbye
no holding back the tears we've cried
searchin for the reasons why
we let this love just fade and die
all the riches in the world
all the diamonds and the pearls
i'd give to send to winds of change
to bring you back to me again
oh.. say that we can heal this pain
turn the spark into a flame
i knw tt we can bring it back again
so baby please. cant you see. i;m down on my knees

baby baby baby
you're in every breath i breathe baby
you're in every dream i dream baby
this time will last forever
give it all a try
each and every day i pray
oh girl. yes i pray.
pls come baby

wanna say what i feel with one more song. some parts are wrong tho. the three weeks part. but basically. the songs is damn fitting to my mood right now. sigh. yeahh.

actually today was a fun day one.. sigh. but then on my way home i got pissed off by some woman who's my neighbour.. then come home i got super pissed off with the com.. so right now. i'm feelin super damn fucked up. sigh. and to make it worse. we broke again. jus cus i was feelin pissed. sigh. i mean when i'm feelin pissed.. everything jus seems very pissin off to me what. isnt it like taht wiht everyone. sigh. yeah. dont think we'll get back together this time. dont think that i have to will to hold on anymore. sigh. anyway. i love you baby. wish you the best.

sigh.. nvm.. i'll still try and blog about the whole of today yeah.. sigh. i was on time today for school.. but i barely made it.. what the hell am i sayin i'm always makin it on the dot or late on the dot. yeah. then we went for lessons. wen and i zaoed the maths c lecture and went to library and did our maths. szu and yr dint wanna come but qte a few of our classmates also zaoed. surprisin not. sigh. cus we scared the stupid math teacher wan us to drop the maths thing again. actually more of dun wanna go listen to the long drony speech of his lahh. first time a teacher got pissed with wen more than pissed with me.. wowee.. yeah. then ltr afetr recess wen and i zaoed again. yeahh. went to hide under the staircase.. er. not really hide lahh. but. under the staircase lor. yeahh. then kevin - the guy with the same sch bag as me[mambo one lahh.. duh] and the two guys who hates avril were also there. yeah. they wanted to zao but then they saw the gp teacher on their way out.. it was super funny lor. but i say then not liao lah. yeah. then ltr we had maths. sighh.. quite borin. like what we learnt in amaths. yeah well. then we had to er. do some entreprenuership project thing. so we had to form two grps. wen and i dint want to be with the f3 so we and the people sittin ard us minus the fag like formed a grp by ourselves. was damn obvious we dint want the fag in our grp lor. think he knew it too....too bad for him... but we were still short of people. yeah. so then our monitor went in front and asked who wans to be in our grp raise hand lahh. we only have one space. two the max. then like the fag sittin in front of me RAISED his hand lor. sigh. then wen like immediately screamed.. NOOOOOOOOOOOO.. was so damn funny that i started laughin non stop lorr.. aiyorr.. then everyone thot it was me.. aiyorr... must be becus i'm usually a mean person yeah? super dumb lor. later i went to like help szu chase her admirer off. the one that wen put the converstaion in her blog one. yeahh. i went to like call his hp and wanted to scold him. but wen was laughin in front of me then i cldnt help it but laugh along too. sighh.. so you see. today was actually fun.. but then on my way home.. everything like changed. yeahh. well. cus i'm like fuckin petty sometimes. yepp. dont wanna go into details lahh.

then i came home and went dwnstairs to meet my dar. cus i was still pissed. we quarrelled after half an hour. not really quarrelled lah. jus more like she looked angry and waz definitely pissed.. and i was pissed so i pretended to slp then she walked away lor. after that i also went away. yeah. so i've nv seen her after that.. and i'll probably nvr will lahh. sigh. this time.. it feels so real. like she's gonna leave me forever. i dunno lah. dont wanan go and think too. ah shit. jus remembered seeing kevins gfs picture[he's the guy who has the same bag as me].. and i was thinking... hahas. i think my dars prettier! sigh. and i told wen lahh. and yeah. but now.. sigh. so fuckin irritated. this is one hell of a long blog entry man. sigh. dunnoe lah. anyway i;m signin off now.

bye everyone. see you tmr at yrs house. her add is...... 59 kings drive. the one that the garden has lotsa plants. yepp.
and bye sweetie. i love you alot alot. and i love you the most. have a picture i wanted to give you.. but i forgot to bring it downstairs, sigh. what the fuck lah. i'm so damn forgetful. i miss you angel. i'll be here as long as i can baby.. ni shi wo de wei yi.

ahh... i wanna buy some jap cartoon to watch lorr.. the gensomaden saiyuki.. hahas.. sudden craze ah.. hmmmmmmmmmmmms... bloggin rubbish in my blog now to take up space.. sighs... oh well.. must save up!!! then i can watch! ahaha!!!! -eveil laughter-

okayy.. i jus had this utterly dumb conversation with this person. but only the startin was funny.. show you k.. as in not funny,. but TERRIBLY lame!!!

[21:04] oh hey you used to play ball? where are ya from!
[21:05] st nicks
[21:05] santa's school huh!

i mean... WHAT SANTAS SCHOOL!!!!~!

woooohoooo!!! i finally sorta fixed the bug.. but i had to delete the whole blog and jus sorta redo itt.. yippie!!hahas.. oh yar.. i wanted to say to my baby.............. i love you i miss you!

i screwed my blog up. sooo irritated. but i copied the template... :/ sigh. still tryin out..

hmms. today was borin.. yeahh. went to school then come home liao. dint see my dar at all lehh.. so disappointin. ohh.. and i forgot my wallet.. so stupid.. had to borrow money to cab home.. :/ sigh.. and i also left my hp behind in the com lab.. damn heng lor.. i managed to get it back.. :) yeahh. the school people dont look very honest.. :/ yepps! oh yarr... then wen and i came up with smth terribly stupid durin maths c lecture.. its called the anti l.a.l.a.s. club.. terribly dumb right.. i'll explain the lalas kk..
l avigne
a ngel
l ynnette
a mir
s zuyu!
hahas. its dumb right. amir is oi;s pe teacher.. and szuyus in our anti lalas list cus she refused to join our club.. its totally stupidly lame right.. yeahh.

neo.. think my blog takes kinda long to load cus theres quite alot of quizes that i did?? yepps. and i used to like avril only okayy...

wont blog anymore and bore everyone bout my terribly borin dayy.. hmms..jus got some last words.. hahs. last words. like i dyin like that... :/ oh well...

i love you