feeling soo very screwed. and i cant seem ter stop blogging.
dunno why isit so weird. feel like screaming.
sigh. parents are coming home soon. cant use bro's com no more.
argh. i need someone ter save me frm boredom.
and mainly save me from myself. sigh. :(
so irritated with myself ... i bet i could cry.

while the world is going crazy
while the sky is falling down
one thing you can depend on
i will always be around
while the rain outside is pouring
i will let the sun shine through
while the world is going crazy
you can count on me

cus i'll be loving you..

i dont know much
but i know i love you

this stupid song's been stuck in my head frm the long bus ride hm ydae frm sentosa. well. technically harbour frnt cus we walked out of sentosa ter the hawker center la. nt bad right. i was dead tired. haha. realised recently i have a knack for gg out with couples for sm time. haha. shant elaborate too much. btu well ya. mb i'm gettin smarter for tht... :) hahah. as in. lamppost = brighter.. = smarter! haah.

damn sian. just got ter use the comp cus i dint feel like going out for dinner with my family. dunno if i shd go for the class outing tmr. and i have nth better ter do. so i'm qte confused lorr.. and i dun really wanna spend too much time by myself. it gets scarey. dredging up too much memories. creeps me out. and kinda tears me up. :| sigh. ydae was qte nt interesting day. went sentosa. qte terrible so few people went la. and i got a plaster tan. only went ter sentosa at ard 1 plus. got ter the beach at 2 plus. haha. slacked. played cards kayaked volleyballed qte alot too. it was qte fun la. altho vv paiseh cus we were soooo vv not in the same league as the oth players. and we saw the swimmer. from oi. chuns shd be feeling damn crushed tht she dint go. mm. whateverr. damn bored. :)

learnt sm shocking stuff abt people also. damn weird. its like different frm what i expected of them. totally different. eg. what rach and chuns said abt A. haha. and also some stuff abt r/s. dunno la. things are rly damn complicated lorr. what ever happened ter the simple. i love you. you love me. we'l be tgt forever. sighh. what an tangled web we weave.. :|

mmm. today wasnt bad, haha. sa's concert was qte lame. but funny at some parts nonetheless. aft tht went back ter sn with shinleng and cand. saw kang. and joined her. then we joined ster neo rach and chuns. yepps. feels weird la. tht its not sara and wen. :( then walked ard. saw some teachers. then went hm lerr. aft tht slacked and met kuek ard 7 plus 8. tot she was gonna leave early. was kinda in a sligth frenzy. but she dint leave early la. we went ter westin ter see the sn 70th anni thing. haha. cus we were damn bored. then went bk. saw evita's ex. the edward. then we went ter MS. haha. tried ter budget so we found our way there by bus la. qte smart rigth. :) haha. anw. then we went ter Tha Wu? haha. i dunno how ter spell. damn sian la. vv empty. the dance floor is even emptier. all the time we danced, only got 4 or 6 others la. damnnn sian. left early. ard 1130. yepps. parents not happy la. haha. :) hope tmr will be a better day. :)

mmm. damn sian. rushing my lit essays now SIGh. and i'm still at the start of the PC essay, yet ter start on the A&C.

went town today with wen and neo.. ter watch down with love. it was qte nice. up til some part, then it just got dumb. :| aft tht, i had this tummy ache. so iwent home ard 6. yepps. sianned. met some people also la. like. kuku beng. :| and evita and um. some ex-rgs bballer. ying-smth. hope tmr will be a better day! :)

mmm. in the sch lib now.. haha. supp ter mk some suggestion ter improve the school.. sianned. haha. anw. me vicc and cand suspect tht there's a major conspiracy gg on la! haha. we must find out more!!! :) anw. i bet my deduction is correct lor. if not totally. then at least half of it must be correct. haha. :) -

why don't you and i get tgt
we'll take on the world and be tgt forever
heads we will, tails we'll try again

why don't you and i get tgt
and fly to the moon and straight on to Heaven
cus without you they're nv gonna let me in


:)

damn sian.. woke up at 3 today.. then went ter ntuc and shop for foood! haha. so i can save money! altho i dint buy ath much. i bot ice cream! yuummmms! but right noww. i'm seriously vv bored. oh wells. villa's playing agst pool now. i hope liverpool loses.. haha. and kewell is stupid. he missed an open goal. and there;s no one online ter talk to.. except for a crazed wy. siann. my mom's chasing me away summore. how now brown cow... :|

somehow beneath it all,
the hype, the lies, the betrayals,
the usual good cheer, the smiles,
i feel so torn up,
unable to choose my path,
and i'm curiously feeling so very empty.
a place in me had been vacated,
and no one has been able ter fill it up agn.
ripped into shreds,
broken into millions of shards,
left with nth but a cold bottle and
an empty bed on this lonely night,
i sit and ponder what my life has come to,
i dont know what i shd do,
i dont know what i can do.
so unused to this sense of helplessness,
the feeling that i lost control,
everything's so shakey,
i'm falling apart.

this seemingly impenetrable facade,
is like a wall tht i've unknowingly built.
around me.
somehow i cant get out of these walls now,
and i want to.
somebody help me, somebody
pull me out of this mess.

i'm boredd.. :| went for sats today.. asked cand ter save space for me, but she always nv lorr. haha. lucky i got vicc! just went ter sit with her.. then went ter have lunch at yoshi at harbour front with amelia cheryl and marcus.. then ame and cheryl left for sch. then marcus and i went back ter sch aft a while.. wanted ter go lib. but it was closed.. stayed for the music awards. then wendy and yvonne or evonne [either one] came, slacked abit then went for the songwriting thing. haha. the sa guy nv win anything at all lorr. so shi bai. so ke lian also. haha. rgs won all for sec sch, and ajc won for jc. then aft tht marcus was supp ter meet his friends at 7 in town. then being soo damn bored, i went dwn with him. but aft tht his frens siad raining, then they dont wanna meet ler. haha. so we window shopped abit and came home i guess. anw. i found a skirt i wanna buy! haha. but i'm too damn broke. how!!! :| its 53. i've got 25. anyone knows how i cld increase my wealth?? haha.

anw, this is peishans blog la. here! so dont hafta link here and there. haha. :)

basically, no one is perfect, and as you said, you think tht you're a bitch, and yet you expect your friends to be so-called good? haha. isn't tht rather hypocritical of you too? this is called double standards my not-so-dear girl, didnt ms d teach tht to us. and you're probably not going to care abt whatever i sign, because, to put it frankly, you're in the wrong, and you dont have very much to thwart me with. even if you do, its probably nth new to me. when i dont like you, it can be because i am superficial, but i'm not the only one who dislikes you. if you think you're well liked by your classmates or anything, you're sorely mistaken. so there must be smth seriously wrong with you. haha, and this is no longer in primary school, we dont have anything such as, so and so is siding with me. haha. and isnt 5 out of 18 a pathetic number?? seriously, its not an election, why bother to "gather votes"? haha. you prob have the no. of friends you have, by sounding so annoyingly desperate in the main channel. i've nv been so paisehed tht i'm in arts than when you talk in the main and practically announcing tht you're in arts. freaking despo.

if your hearts not in it for real
pls dont try ter fake what you dont feel
if loves alrdy gone
its not fair ter lead me on
cus i wld give my whole world to you
anything you'd ask of me i'd do
but i wont ask you to stay
i'd rather walk away
if your hearts not in it.. :)

damn sian. today had ter sign up for sats, but then, mrs lee nv tell us, so we like dont have money to go and sign up for it la. haha but in the end alotta people nv sign up for the nov 1st sats, and signing up next year instead, think mb amelia cheryl they all did, wendy did, and nobody else. haha. i bet i'd be soo damn lonely. oh wells. then aft tht went ter tk bus with vicc and marcus, and i also chged la. but i realised tht i rly looked too terrible, so i chged back. hahaha. i hate looking like shit. tho i cldnt help it. haha. went ter return the lib books, and then went ter shop ard, but the top was seriously too tight, i nv tot i'd get to say this, but it was vv tight ard the breast part! hahaha. :) i'm feeling qte proud.. haha. anw. then we went ter lido ter meet jeremy yongquan and tht gay guy.. then aft tht went ter meet my parents for dinner.. yepp. then came home ler.. :)

anw. did tht peishan go and remove her latest entries, the one tht i went ter sign one?? i cant seem ter find them ler.. :|

++ ni hai ai wo ma
wo yi zhi hao xiang wen ni zhe ju hua
que you pa
ting dao ni zhen shi de hui da
ni hai ai wo ma
zhe shi wo yi de qian gua
bu guan ni, hui you she me hui da
wo hui yi zhi deng ni
ni hai ai wo ma ++

do you still love me?
i've been wanting to ask you that for a long time
but i'm afraid
of hearing your honest answer
do you still love me?
its the only thing i care about
i will wait for you,
no matter what you choose
do you still love me...?

^^^ cand has been singing it for the past few days. so i jus tot of it. :/

i'm damn bored. rly until like hell.. ydae went ter donate blood. and my arms blue blacked. more than anyone elses i think. cus they screwed my arm up. haha. but its fun. and i wanna do it again! anyone wanna go and do in nov?? then went out with wen aft sch ydae. walked ard town abit. went ter lib. and i realised kueks book is overdue for a week. cus i havent returned it yet.. :| and of the two books i borrowed. i alrdy read one, and i dint realise it. i'm so terrible forgetful SIGH.

today sch was terrible. i felt qte tired. but kept myself awake through out. not bad huhh. lit was tortuous. but lao shi bot us mooncakes. tho i suspected nel gave the nicest flavour ter ms d.. i was qte pissed. cus i dont like her. anyhow chase people out of class one. stupid ass. then for me. it was qte funny. cus helen tan said tht for our class, its music tht binds us tgt. which is soo totally wrong.. at least for me. i tot i cld rly peng. i'm as unmusical as anyone can get. it rly drives me crazy.. cus there is not one single day tht they can stop singing. dont they EVER get tired of it.. ughh. used the comp in sch for a while before coming hm.. went ter see peishans blog.. haha sign some not so pleasant stuff.. came home and signed more pleasant stuff... and i wanna chg hp ter panasonic gd88. haha. my fone so totally sucks now.. ughh..

Current Music :: Shake Ya Tailfeathers - Nelly ft P Diddy ft Murphy Lee



Are you easily stressed?

sighhh tonights my last night with my com.. sooo sad.. until next fri.. or mb next mext week.. depending on what time i get hm.. i'm just getting used ter using it so happily and often.. then its gonna be tken awayy... dunno why i'm sounding so downcast right noww.. and the PW is far from finished.... argghh.. the whole thing is damn weird la. sarah gives me smth thts ard 700 words can gives me exacty 200 words tts so repetitive rachels one the length is the best ler.. :| sighhhh

haha. and like thx ter everyone who supported me! err. ter boost my ego or ter du cu wo ter finish the pw. thanks! :)

i'm bored bored bored.. the stupid pw sucks... rachel and serena havent send me their stuff yet.. and i hate editting.. cus i think i make things worse.. :( siannn... vvvvvvvvv sian.. how now brown coww....

mmm. today was qte demoralising for some part. haha. feels like i've repeated this a million times.. but i'm still gonna continue, even at the risk of sounding like some persons.. its for other people who havent heard it then... :) cus on friday lianzhu asked us ter draw each others head shape and stuff. then today she went ter discuss abt it la. and my head shape is shaped like the creole negro, which looks damn like a young chimp. its DAMN jialat. if you'd seen the picture you'd know. then aft tht my feactures looked like they belonged on the gorilla.. or some saharra negro. or smth like tht. the pictures are rly damn ugly la. and i look like them.. :( damn sad.. and then we were talking abt the cynthia(?) thing.. abt the incident at the geog lect la. haha. then vicc went ter tell me smth tht tianci, her bf and some other guy, mb it was brandon? i nv rly hear. all those water polo guys laa.. said abt me before. ahah. its qte funny. from some perspective. though it shouldnt be.. haha. they said i have the SCF la.. which is suck cock face. it sounds kinda crude.. oh wells. and last time someone said i was do-able. as in. dunno how ter say.. haha think along te same line.. :| then me & vic went ter ask nel what defines a SCF, and he said bitch or smth laa. ahah. qte demoralising la. as i said.. :/

anw. today passed damn quickly.. had geog and chinese test on the same day.. kinda reminded me of sec 1.. when i always have geog test then chi test on the same day, continuously.. and at that time i was guai guai somemore.. still got study abit ler!! :)

wah. i finally went ter fix my geocities crap thing. altho its still just as screwed. cus i got no time la. but i reorganised it la. the link is in my links box. as web... and oh ya. i wrote lotsa crap in the pges..

sian. realised tht since slightly mroe than a week ago, i've been starting ter regret some decision that i made.. and now i'm rly fully regretting it.. and there's like pretty much no way ter go back ter what it might have been. sucks ter realise that i was too hasty in making my choices. and i cant take words back, nor can i rewind time.. ughh. i always knew i shd appreciate people ard me better, but i somehow always dont, and it always results in losing tht person, and somehow at that time, i dont think about it so much, weeks or months ltr i realise that i did stupid things and said stupid stuff that hurt those persons. and when i realise how stupid and selfish and everythign else, its always just nicely too late. i suck like fuck mann. i did it once, i did it twice, and more and more.. and i will still do it. sighh. why am i such an ass..? and whyy am i still having moodswings. sighh. :( somebody kill me... :| mb i can hope agst hope, and things wills work out better, altho not to the way i want, but somehow always better than it was.. just mb, i dunno la. i'm rly beginning ter talk crap.. argh.

Confident



from : rachels blogs.

sooo early in the morning and i'm awakeee.. damn siann. slpt before 10 last night.. also so early.. anww. i found out how ter have geog test ler.. we have geog lect on monday now right?? or are the lessons even switching with friday at all? and whats the test on... :|

jus arranged my geocities used templates thing. haha. and counted i have 35 templates there!! haha. but some are not mine la. as in. not rly i make one cus some are i koped from places and re-editted it lorr. eg. the pink table one. haha. oh wells. but almost all of them i did myself.. :)

woahh. jus surfing blogs noww. haha. realised tht wendys blog the Amber is the ugly whiny bitch from saras blog!! haha. so qiao. ahhhhh.. smbdy save me. i'm THAT bored. :|

wahh. i nv go out today. so sian. went sch for tuas naval base crap. and i fell on the bus. cus i jus woke up and dint feel like getting up. they kinda dragged me upi think. i mean my classmates. then the floor was slippery.. and i slipped. and i slightly sprained my ankle la. as in damn slight. can walk but cannot slant it or however you say it.. and i hurt my ear!! SO TENG!! :( then had ter go back ter sch ter do some lame chi quiz thing. SIAN. then umm. came home?? anw. the whole week i dint go out much la. no money ler. :( but i still havent gotten rid of the clubbing feeling yet... :| i still feel like going. next fri or sat go anyone interested?

anw. ydae have stuff ter blog la. like. went sch.. and vicc dint go jus cus she sprained a finger. haha. its so whateverr. and i got chased out of class again for slping.. oh wells. and partly for doodling on the tables. haha. heck la. then aft sch went home ter chg and went ter meet wen jeremy yq zhiyang and two oth guys one was called mark i thinknd the other was the gay gay guy with a harder ter remem name.. haha.. at suntec convention hall and then ltr sab rach chuns came. then later wilson came. then the so-called magic show had only like 3 tricks?! and one was like performed by tht darren lim guy. i think thts his name la. suckss. have ter thank jeremy for tht la. SO SO fun. aft tt went ter coffee bean ter sit down.. and then jeremy left earlier. got some test.. then RCS left mins aft.. cus they always leave early.. ya. then ard 11 they all wanted ter zao. :| dunnno what ter do lerr cus i was supp ter watch movie at 12.. ya..and weiyang was stil watching movie.. so i took train with them ter dhoby ghaut cus i was going there too. then walked them ter nel and backk. and the tickets for the movie that me and wen queue for like.. almost went ter waste la. like no one wanna watch. then she cldnt watch and stuff. :| kk. then act evita say can but i knew she wld pangseh me la. so i like alrdy had another plan lorr. anw. the unborn is like the eye. not worth money.. haha. but i was qte scared at first laa. at the end then not lerr. yaa. but i think i was the only idiot in the cinema screaming. however slightly it was. :| and wy kept falling aslp... dumbass. then i woke him up cus i was scared.. then we're sitting qte near the aisle la then ter his left got a whole row of empty seats like mb 6 or 8 or smth then on my right its like got 2 empty seats tooo. was kinda creepy at first la. anw then aft the show came home and slpt. damn tiredd.. :/

oh. btw. jus remem smth. how can we have geog test on monday when we dont have geog?! fridays lessons switched with mondays right?!???

i am dunno how boreeddd... anw. this is what i did during the week i think..


monday : dint think i went anywhere.. mb slacked ard and went home.. :)
tuesday : went ter watch wrong turn with szu.. bot new top too.
weds : went town with wen. chged my skirt tht tuoed se and wen bot a new skirt..
thurs : went town with wen. again. bot new skirt. and nail polish.
friday : went town with evita. watched homerun.
sat : prob gonna bbq lorr. but nobody has told me anything yet. oh wells.

i'm in school! doing some crap gp thing.. bored like hellll.. dunno what ter blog also. oh wells.

do this! haha. dan introed it ter me. he got 85 wpm or smth. i only have 49. and i think wy got 49 too. everyone go do and tell me how you all did k.. qte fun i think.. in a bit boring way. haahahhaha

me and wen had this rly dumb conversation.. with smth unbelievably and terribly funny!!! but i hafta delete it!!n so toooo bad..

wen (05:44 PM) :
wait i go pangsai
xx euphoric*bliss xx (05:44 PM) :
ohh/// kk..
have fun!! hahhahah
wen (05:51 PM) :
it was FUNNNNNNN
xx euphoric*bliss xx (05:52 PM) :
hahha rlly? how fun?????
wen (05:53 PM) :
as fun as the sunnnnnnn
haha er.
xx euphoric*bliss xx (05:53 PM) :
hahahaaa... is the sun fun?? i think the moon is funner..
wen (05:54 PM) :
haha yeah its pretty fun... as pretty as a flower.. as fun as the sunnnn..

would you even know

woke up damn early this morning.. like 9 cus my mom woke me up when she was looking for some stuff in my room.. oh wells. then i slacked abit.. played comp for damn long lerr. gonna meet kuek again laterr.. we're gonna get my skirt.. yepps. and szuyu said she's gonna treat me ter movie. haha. must thank wy. lets go sentosa someday okay.. as in. one trip thats successful la. :| yeahh. and i can wear non sch u ter sch next fri! aha dont even need ter be red and white! yeah! i can wear my new skirt.. only.. i think its too short and i'l get slaughtered. haha. oh wells. plan my wardrobe next time.. :)

i see forever in your eyes. i see heaven in your smile.

oooh. jus heard the cyndi wang's dang ni. nice ler. except. i think she's super copy jolin tsai or smth. and why did she film tt mtv with mengze. haha. i sound super into chi music! hahaha. anw. ya. everyone go dl if you dont have it yet! :) i shall go buy my skirt tmr.. at most. i'll embezzle the class funds! haha. jking. rly rly hope my mom gives me money. i havent bot any new clothes for i think 2 or 3 weeks ler. :| qte sad ah? or mb 4! i dun remember also..

i'm bored bored bored like HELL. today tht stupid szuyu pangsehed me. for today. and tmr. tmr how ah like nobody going like that.. :| anw. today vicc nv go sch.. sch was okay.. fell aslp qte often i think. yaa. aft tt went ter meet kuek in town..she left at 6 plus so i also left ler. stupid szuyu la. why am i home SO early.. :| SIAN.. sigh. i wanna get money ter buy the skirt tt kuek and i saw today. hope i can get the money... :| then we go buy it tgt.. hope so. but my moms not home.. until late. SIGH.

ooh. jus remembered.. i saw daphne!! aft such a long time.. ya. but we dint even do anything in the sense. din t say hi and whatever lorr. yaa. i saw her twice in a day. with candice. oh wells.