Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
And they may not want it to end
But it will, it's just a question of when
I've lived long enough to have learned
The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned
But that won't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust

I know you're an emotional girl
It took a lot for you to not lose your faith in this world
I can't offer you proof
But you're gonna face a moment of truth
It's hard when you're always afraid
You just recover when another belief is betrayed
So break my heart if you must
It's a matter of trust

You can't go the distance
With too much resistance
I know you have doubts
But for God's sake don't shut me out

This time you've got nothing to lose
You can take it, you can leave it
Whatever you chooseI won't hold back anything
And I'll walk away a fool or a king
Some love is just a lie of the mind
It's make believe until it's only a matter of time
And some might have learned to adjust
But then it never was a matter of trust

I'm sure you're aware love
We've both had our share of
Believing too long
When the whole situation was wrong

Some love is just a lie of the soul
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control
After you've heard lie upon lie
There can hardly be a question of why

Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
But that can't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust

More lyrics, because I couldn't help myself..

SkeleBloom: You are SkeleBloom, once the prettiest,
now the deadest. Beware of direct moonlight!

Which LOTR monster are you?

That's pretty cute ;) There's a viggenstein one too..

Viggenstein: You are Viggenstein, most powerful of all monsters. You have a big head and you know you won't lose it. Go you! Rrrrrrrrr!

Damn, my throat is so fucking sore. And I cut my nails. I'm going to sleep.

It's much harder to come by, I'm waiting in line.

Woah, I was so filled with rage this afternoon when Smith returned the PC essay on The Importance of Being Earnest. He gave me a 12?! over 25. And said that I plagiarised my essay. I'm like, wtf?! It's not the first time he said I plagiarised, but at least the previous time, I got 16/25 for the "plagiarised" essay; and his comments went along the lines of - to have to resort to this, so late in JC2, is a pity. I was, how pissed, how mad, and I still can't speak of this coherently. Urgh. How could he fail me! I mean, okay, some work I handed up was just plain bad, but I spent like 2 hours on doing this essay, and I thought I deserved better than a mere 12?! Argh. I'm such a nerd. 12 damn it. And just because I know about Wilde's trial over his romance with Lord Alfred 'Bosie' Douglas (yes, he's gay. Remember quite a while ago, I posted Lord Alfred Douglas' photo on my blog?), and mentioned it in context to the bloody question, I appeared to have copied that from somewhere. Such an idiot. I'm still so angry. Lord Douglas wrote a poem for the trials named Two Loves, depicting two boys(? I think, maybe they're cupids or something) as the two loves, hetero love, and homosexual love, y'know the quote, "Have thy will, I(homosexual love) am the love that dare not speak its name". Damnit, I am still frigging pissed.

On another note, I went out for dinner at Marina South with my family, previous plans to go Thai sharksfin-ing was scraped. Went down to Long Beach something(maybe Marina or South), and had sharksfin there. I was really pissed at the start because I couldn't sit in the air-con, but the sharksfin soup was good enough to cheer me up. It's in pretty much the same style as the Thai sort, in claypots, with fins that you can actually see, and about 8 inches long(I think). But the bill was freaky, it was 300 after UOB card discounts. I mean, hello, I'd rather eat at Raffles Hotel for the same amount, with air con and class and all. :/ Plus, UOB platinum gets discounts in Raffles too.

Damn if I'm not a UOB advertiser. Get the UOB platinum card and enjoy great benefits!! I'm still pissed off with Smith, I hope his computer is crawling with maggots.

How am I supposed to carry on

I thought my previous post had some spoilers, someone thought there wasn't enough, so here goes more! Again, don't read if you don't want to know.

The movie starts of with a brief history of Rome's conquests and a brief intro to the Dark Ages. Then it moves on to show Lancelot's childhood, where he was taken from his family to serve the Roman Church. Then it shows the knights, Arthur, Lancelot, Tristan, Bors, Gawain, Dagonet and Gallahad riding, and the Woads attacking the Bishop and his party. (I know all the names of the 7 knights because there were only seven! 4 hours of screentime with the same 7, how can you not know their names!!) And the Knights driving the Woads off. Next it introduces Merlin as Arthur spares the life of one woad.

As the party rides off to the British fort, they joke, and Bors describes his dick as 'a baby's arm holding an apple', the other Knights talk about what they're planning to do after they gain their freedom. **sidetrack info: Sarmatia was a country defeated by the Romans. The survivors of that war and their offspring will serve the Christian Church. And this Bishop is bringing the Knights their papers of discharge.** It's all in the intro to the movie. And when the party returns to the fort, the Bishop stays in Arthur's room, and sees that Arthur is a follower of Pelagius (who "died a year past", but Arthur doesn't know it yet). Pelagius' teachings is that all men are equal, and he was killed by the Church; Abraham Lincoln fought for equality, and he also got killed. Lesson number 1: Don't fight/preach/demand for equality.

The Bishop then goes to the hall, in which the round table is situated. And he is stunned for a moment, and his servant goes, what devilry is this?! And he "plops his arse" right next to Arthur, to his left is Lancelot. And he praises them, somewhat falsely when he learns of their Pagan beliefs. The Bishop then requests to speak to Arthur in private, where he reveals that there is one last quest for Arthur and his Knights. A quest deadly and dangerous in it's essence. And Arthur asks if he's expected to go to his men, and tell them instead of giving freedom, he offers death? The quest is to cross the breadth of the entire Roman empire to save the family of Alecto, the Pope's favourite godchild and pupil. Because Rome being such a bitch, is giving up Britain to protect other outposts which it can defend, giving Britain up to anyone strong enough to take it.

And so after much anger from his men, Arthur goes to the stables to pray to his and the dead Pelagius' God. And Arthur begs for God to grant him the wish that if some sacrifice of life is to be made in this quest, let it be his, and not his knights. Wherein Lancelot comes in and asks, why does Arthur always talk to his God, and not to him(Lancelot)? And Lancelot and Arthur go into an argument about the upcoming quest, and Lancelot says that, the world Arthur fights for, "will never exist. There will always be a battlefield." And that he'd "always known he'd die in a battle, but preferably one of his own choosing". And beseeches Arthur for a favour, that if he would have to die in this battle, for Arthur not to "bury him(me) in their sad little cemetary, but to burn him(me), and cast his ashes to a strong east wind." Towards Sarmatia, his homeland, towards his family, to his sister.

And now the movie switches its focus to the Saxons. Where a nameless Saxon is raping a British woman; and their leader/King, whatever it's called, and whatever his name is, because I didn't hear any of the Saxons' name throughout the movie, stops him from doing so. When the nameless Saxon challenges his leader by saying that according to their laws, no man is allowed to deny him of his spoils in war, and the leader's son (who happens to be the bastard who used the bloody crossbow behind Lancelot's back, and killing Lancelot) agreed with the nameless soldier. The Saxon leader kills the nameless soldier for defying him, and threatens his son against challenging his rule, along the lines of cutting his tongue.

DAMMIT. I GIVE UP. I'm already summarising this, and it's still taking me damn long. I don't know why I began. Oh wait. I remember.

**edit** I skipped a bit here.. Later, the Knights will reach Alecto's family estate, and find evidence of the Roman Church's belief, which is really twisted, and Arthur saves Guinevre. And Dagonet saves a little boy. Along the way back, there is supposed to be chemistry between Arthur and Guinevre. But, Clive Owen is old enough to Knightley's father! And there is some hints of lust between Lancelot and Guinevre. Alecto tells Arthur that the Rome he fights for doesn't exist, and Pelagius died "a year past". And later, the Knights plus Guinevre fight against the Saxon soldiers. 8 vs. 200! And they won. If they lost, there'd be no battle. But in the process, Dagonet dies. When they returned, there was anger all round. And sadness for Dagonet, tears for Bors.

And even later, when the Saxon army gathers outside the Brit fort, Arthur decides to stay to fight, despite Lancelot's persuations. Because of the stupid Guinevre who manipulated poor honourable but a little dense and naive Arthur. So poor Arthur stays to fight, his Knights leave, but turn back halfway. Arthur has a verbal confrontation with the Saxon leader. And with the help of the Woads (who are actually the native Brits fighting for their land), and his Knights, Arthur wins the battle. The cost: Tristan's and Lancelot's death. The profit: Britain.

Then, Fuqua shows the funeral of Tristan and burning of Lancelot's body. Then it immediate turns to a wedding. Like, WTH! Okay, that's it for my sub standard commentary.

I posted a quiz, which messed up the entire Blog entry template. Felt like I was so wasting my time. : Some spoilers ahead for K. Arthur. Skip it if you don't want to know what happens.

Caught K. Arthur again today with Angela, which Vic and Toe caught Spidey 2. As in, we were out tgt, but watched separate shows. Angela wanted to watch I, Robot, but I wanted to watch King Arthur, and she acceded to my choice. Thanks chick! ;) And it's still nice when I'm watching it for the second time, but this time round I just wanted to fast foward each part where Kiera Knightley appears. As in, it wasn't half this bad when I was watching it for the first time. But now because I know beforehand that Lancelot was killed by the stupid baldie-with-braids-in-his-beard because he went to save Guinevre from the very same baldie. And he did it out of loyalty to Arthur as Arthur was busy with other soldiers and didn't notice that Guinevre was faltering under the attacks she provoked. She's so irritating. She made him die. "It was supposed to my life forfeit. Not this. Never his!" - Arthur's lament at Lancelot's fall. And if it's not obvious by now, I'm a fan of Lancelot, of the movie. The one from the legends betrayed Arthur. :/ And Ioan Gruffudd too. I mean fan. Damn. I'm such a fangirl. I'm becoming like Amelia! But I have better taste of course, despite Cheryl's claims to the contrary. I mean, Roddick is cute, right!

Argh. I'm so irritated. -scratches head- Anyone for a third screening?

What If She's An angel
Tommy Shane Steiner

There's a man standing on the corner ,
With a sign sayin 'Will work for food'.
You know the man ,
You see him every morning;
The one you never give your money to.
You can sit there with your window rolled up,
Wondering when the lights going to turn green;
Never knowing what a couple more bucks,
In his pocket might mean.

What if he's an angel sent here from Heaven?
And he's making certain that you're doing your best
To take the time to help one another,
Brother, are you going to pass that test?
You can go on with your day to day,
Trying to forget what you saw in his face,
Knowing deep down it could have been his saving grace;
What if he's an angel?

 
There's a man,
There's a woman,
Living right above you in apartment G.
There's a lot of noise coming from the ceiling,
And it don't sound like harmony.
You can sit there with your TV turned up,
While the words and his anger fly;
Come tomorrow when you see her with her shades on,
Can you look her in the eye?

What if she's sent here from Heaven?
And she's making certain that you're doing your best
To take the time to help one another,
Brother, are you going to pass that test?
You can go on with your day to day,
Trying to forget what you saw in her face,
Knowing deep down it could have been her saving grace;
What if she's an angel?

 
A little girl on daddy's lap,
Hiding her disease with a baseball cap;
You can turn the channel,
Most people do;
But what if you were sitting in her daddy's shoes?

Maybe she's an angel
Sent here from Heaven,
And she's making certain you're doing your best
To take the time to help one another;
Brother, are you going to pass that test?
You can go on with your day to day,
Trying to forget what you saw in her face,
Knowing deep down it could have been her saving grace;
What if she's an angel?

Maybe I'm just blind

I just found a Snoopy comic which is 30 years old! Actually it's 31! Damn old right! The pages are yellow and recycled. Snoopy looks skinnier than he does now. The comic's not in very bad shape.. 'Cause it was protected by plastic.

World Vision sent me a letter, asking for donations. I like to make some comments.. Save the money it took to mail it, and print it, and donate it yourselves. I'm not gonna donate! Maybe some kind soul would, but, nope, not me. ;) I'll post some lyrics later.. It's been walking through my head, not running, 'cause it's kind of slow, and meaningful. Okay. I'm bored again.

If and when I learn swordplay (with no double entendre), I'll want to spar all the time, because it's something new and fascinating, until it becomes old, and boring. I wish I was guy, living about 500-600 years ago. :/ I'll be a warrior! And I'll die young and bloody. I'm feeling might queer right now. :/

If I want to, I'll ask. Damnit. Out. Of. My. Life.

Stupidity should kill. Just like curiosity did to the cat. It's really annoying to read something when all the verbs, adjectives, adverbs are used in the wrong context. And, when the entire piece of writing, well, is based on a flawed argument, thus is rendered incorrect and illogical. Ohmygod. This sounds like GP! As in, I sound like a GP tutor. I wonder if SA GP tutors ever get bored of repeating the same lines each year. I mean, SA never had too good a GP standard, why do they sound like they expect so much higher than a C5 or B4 than the students?! I mean, SA is either filled with a chinese speaking population, or pretentious Anglophiles like yours truly. And pretentious students tend to sound, well, really pretentious, like I am here. ;)

**editted, My mom wants to donate to World Vision. I feel weird ranting about that now.

Couldn't we reach inside and find

I went for Chaplain(?)'s hour today, mainly to get to hear Mr Lian's testimony/testimonial.. Okay, he's pretty amusing, big big difference from Geog lectures or tutorials.. Or at least he amused A21, A41, and aiya, basically everyone except my class. Oh yea, there was this dance item put up by the J1s, it was well, pretty bad. I kinda thought because this week's Christian Mission Week (or something like that, I don't remember the name too well), that the Chap's hour would be more special.. But I guess, when you believe in the Lord, everyday is a special day with him.

I'm a little weary. Kind of sleepy. I need sleep. Oh yes, I've been doing my homework very ardently. I'm so proud of myself! :)

Oh yes, Habibah (a palindrome!) didn't make it to school today for some reason, and we had a 3 period break again. Marcus, Angela, Amelia, Cheryl and I had a long long conversation about sex. It was really long, and quite vivid. And Vic, Nel, Cand and Peishan joined in at some points of time. So when Moral Ed lesson came about, and Helen Tan said she had this word written on a transparency and we were supposed to do word association, the bunch of us were going... "sex sex sex" in our minds.. And well, it turned out to be just.. marriage. Quite a disappointment. Let's talk about sex next week.

Tomorrow looks to be a very relaxing day. Just plain reflection. :)

Couldn't we do what we did last night again?

Blogging for the sake of blogging again. Did I tell everyone about my wonderful plan to get 3As and A1 for GP? I don't remember.. So anyway, if I manage to do it, I'll be the top student in Arts. Haha. I'm serious. About the top student bit. SA Arts is pretty bad. So anyway, top student, here I come. *maniacal laugh*

Okay. A more realistic aim would be.. maybe.. BCD and B4 for GP? I don't rightly know. I can wake up late tmr! :) And on thursday, it's reflection day for Service Learning. I don't have an item to bring. Does anyone have extra momentos from Sat? Let's make like Sharity (Or is it Charity elephant) and share. Remember that blue-ish elephant on some newsletter like thing that they gave out during Children's Day? Am I ranting again? Bahhh. I'm bored. Bah sounds cute. Like a lamb... or is it sheep?

I'm super sad. I can't find Billy Joel's Code of Silence.... If anyone has it, please send it to me! :(

Each part of me has died.

It's approaching midnight, and I'm still stuck at the beginning of the PC essay. The inspiration was meagre at the start, and now it's waning further. :/ and even though Wilde is entertaining, schoolwork is boring. Yet I definitely do not want to work. So, a-schooling I go.

According to someone, my previous post would be very damning if my blog were to be discovered by a teacher, given that all the teachers now seem to have an avowed passion in discovering students' blogs. I suppose it might be, but I think, it's probably just too bad. And if there's anything that could even be remotely wrong with expressing my frustration or anger, well, at least now you know what I really thought. -Smirk

Oh yea. Today's episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S when Mr. Goodbody danced for Phoebe, was the song playing Love Song by The Cure? I mean, the first song, not the second. Oh, I heard that The Cure is making a comeback, along with so many other 80's bands. Take a listen to The Cure. I think they're pretty good. Okay, back to PC I go.

How can I convice you

Bah. School is a boring endeavour. Lian Choo was being such a bitch in school today, not that she usually isn't, but it was just, well, more obvious today. Probably just pissed off that I sort of embarrassed her in front of her collegues. Okay, let's start from the start of the so-called story. In the first place, I wasn't having a very good day; so when she just gave me that constipated look of hers that meant, "your skirt....". So I simply yanked the skirt down somehow, and rolled my eyes. So anyway, she was recounting that pitiful incident during tutorials, and I simply wanted to laugh for reasons unknown. So anyway, she said, I gave her a "Who cares" look, I really wanted to point out it was more of a fuck-off-and-die-you-stupid-bitch. Damn. This sounds juvenile, you know, like the kind who simply go against all sorts of authority in a bid to sound,"Oh I'm so cool because I hate teachers". Oh, go suck some- thing. I'm seriously bored. And no, I don't think I have problems with authoritarian figures.

On other news (not that this is much of news), the school day was plain annoying. So many things and persons grated against my nerves. If I wanted something, I would've asked for it; if I didn't ask, obviously I don't want it. I was just gosh darned sleepy. Oh yea, the gosh darned bit is my effort to not sound so vulgar. (The above paragraph simply has to be excused. I have a reason there.)

Does anyone know where to get this shirt that says, "I'm with stupid"? I want to get one. And I want to make this template happier. Should I just re-draw the picture? I don't want to change the whole thing, because it took my eons to do the links bit, and the tables bit (I forgot how to work it). And I just realised that I lost my archives for Dec '02.. I'm a little of red, and a little of green. (Ooops, I sound like a Christmas tree)

Every highway's leading me back to you

Went out for dinner at Brio's at Grand Copthorne Waterfront.. It was passable I guess. I wouldn't recommend anyone to go there. I didn't like the food much. I ate so much bread and butter, and so much pork. Can you imagine. I hate pork, and I hate butter. Yesterday I ate two packets of rice for lunch, and I hate rice. What is wrong with me?! Oh ya, about Brio's, the escargots weren't bad, it was Frenchie all round, except for HK roast duck and kinds. (Ooops, I meant french food) Okay. I bored. Finally got down to doing my Pardoner's Prologue Context Based essay.

Nothing much left to say. Don't go to Brio's. At least not on Sunday nights, they have seafood on Friday and Saturday nights, it's good..

Everybody Knows
By Concrete Blonde

Everybody knows the dice are loaded,
Everybody rolls with they're fingers crossed,
Everybody knows that the war is over,
Everybody knows that the good guys lost,
Everybody knows the fight is fixed,
The poor stay poor an' the rich get rich,
Thats how it goes,

Everybody knows the boat is sinking,
Everybody knows that the captin lied,
Everybodys got this broken feeling,
like they're momma or they're dog just died,
Everybodys hands are in they're pockets,
Everybody wants a box of choclates an' a long stemed rose,

Everybody knows,
Everybody knows,
Everybody knows,
Thats how it goes,
Everybody knows,

Everybody knows that its now or never,
Everybody knows that its me or you,
Everybody knows that you live forever,
Ya maybe had a line or two,
Everybody knows the deal is rotten,
Old black Joe's still pickin' cotton for your ribbons and bows,

Everybody knows you love me baby,
Everybody knows you really do,
Everybody knows that you been faithful,
Give or take a night or two,
Everybody knows you been discreet,
So many people you had to meet without your clothes,
and everybody knows,

Everybody knows,
Everybody knows,
Thats the way it goes,
Everybody knows,

Everybody knows,
Everybody knows,
Thats how it goes,
Everybody knows.

Looking back,
I wonder how I could've gotten this far.
Not the same as I've begun,
I wonder how I've changed.

If I say I'd like a replay, a rewind,
Or maybe a re-do,
Is it possible or am I hoping again
For the impossible dream?

Now the night has gone,
Unveiling the red dawn,
It's a new beginning, won by blood,
Awashes my being with sentimentality.

Has the moon forsaken the night.
Or did she simply desire
To close her eyes.
The stars twinkle before fading in the coming of the Sun.

Now the night has gone,
And I am left in wait.
Now the night has gone,
And all I yearn, is its return.

You were with me all the while.

I've got more words running through my mind. No idea where they came from.. "On the edge of forever". Is that some book I read back in SN? It's damn familiar.

Basically, and in very simple terms, don't blame yourself for everything, because it's not your fault, don't try to fix anything because it's beyond your expendabilty and don't be so frigging paranoid because no one has patience to humour that all the time. And my God, get over yourself.

I deleted a huge chunk of words. I don't know why I feel like I'm treading on ice. On the lighter side, service learning's tomorrow. Singapore sucks, the education system's slogan sucks. "Empowering (insert school's name here) to lead, and to serve." "Empowering the future leaders of tomorrow" and 'what have you's. Goodness. Come up with a new word. What's with empowering? If you're gonna empower me, give me the nukes I tell you. I'll bomb the world. Or I'll build myself an empire so powerful, all will be my servants. World dominion whould be in my grasp. All slaves would bow to me in submission, with satellites, I can spy on the entire world and everyone. An absolute dictator I would be. (oops, this sounds Yoda-ish)

Ooops. I just stepped over the line to be rightfully called, nutters.

"In place of a dark lord you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn, treacherous as the sea, stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair!" From LotR, by the Lady Galadriel of Lorien when offered the One Ring, being the geek I am. :)

I realise the best part of love is...

Life has been boring for a while.
Looks like there's some excitement, or rather, just, something coming up.
I'm just a little too bored.
Feeling a little too pained.
Just want to stay huddled up in the snow.
It's a little weird to yearn for winter in this eternal summer,
But I want it. I don't know what I'm talking about.
What random ramblings.

More random words, phrases you're better off not reading.
Life affirming.
Too many Kingdoms.
Rising, falling. Tides of time roll on by.
Crushing, rebuilding. Fire. Burning.
Destruction. Amidst stone and rubble.
Mercenaries. Warriors. Generals. Kings.
Bodies littered. Stench of blood and sweat.
Cannot hide behind bloodied swords and shattered shields
The horrors of the first slash, the first stab.

Come to the ledge. Look to see how far we can fall.
See how far some fell.
Careful not to walk near anyone. You'll never know
What hit you as you find yourself grasping at nothingness.
Falling through air.
Hot knife through butter.
Salvation seems so far off as we all fight each other even to death
for the one tangible.

Life.

I want to live. Even if its for a few minutes longer.
So hand me my swords. As I head to fight my battles.
I won't cower behind. Hand me my armour.
For all the meagre protection it can give.
And for the illusion of safety.

Okay. I don't know how this transformed from a mess, to.... something.

You tell me it was an accident,
Tell me, how do you pick up pieces of an accident?

Springtime in winter.

Just watched King Arthur today. Just a couple of questions here..

1. Did anyone feel that Arthur and Lancelot had something more than friendship going on?
2. Did anyone feel that just before Arthur faced the Saxons, while he was wearing the helmet, he looked like Luis Figo? Only better. And that he has Raul's charm? Raul of Spain, Real Madrid...
3. Did anyone notice Lancelot's cheekbones??? OhMyGod.
4. Did anyone notice his curls?!
5. And his cheekbones? Ooops. I mentioned it already..
5. Did he kind of remind anyone of Orli?

Despite all the comments from seemingly, the whole world, I think it is a good show! Really. And that's all that matters. Plus, Wen liked it too. Thought it was better than Troy.. Her exact words were more of, "I think this is better than that other show. That Brad Pitt one."

Okay, more serious thoughts about it would be that, it started out great. You could feel the rapport between the knights, and a very strong sense of their comaraderie. Plus a lot of joking amongst them, hetero jokes, but I'm still thinking about Arthur and Lancelot! ;) And you get to see the men in action. But then, you get introduced to Kiera Knightley. I mean, sure, she's pretty as hell, her voice is VERY seductive, and it's not that she acted badly. But it was just weird. I mean, her being in the show. Firstly, I think she looked too young as Guinevre to Clive Owen's Arthur. And then, the portrayal, the character just weirded up the movie. Plus, later on, she will look like a vampire, a very unpleasant looking one. And the movie sort of went downhill.

Okay. It wasn't that bad. I mean, there were good tactics, lots of wonderful skills. And a lot of arrows. It reminded me of, Legolas, Paris, basically Orlando. And seeing Kiera Knightley in the movie, and Jerry Bruckheimer as producer, reminded me of Orli. Seeing Lancelot, reminded me of Orli. Everything reminded me of Orli. :)

Okay, I went off-track. Here's the spoiler, if you know nothing about history. Lancelot died. It was so sad. For about a second, a tear welled up. But it passed. Because Kiera Knightley annoyed me again. I think she should film movies like Mean Girls or something light, and preferably, bimbotic. Did I mention she reminded me of Orlando Bloom....?

Oh yea. And my favourite lines in the movie were just before the Saxons ran over the thin ice, where Lancelot says to Guinevre, "Be careful, there're a lot of lonely men out there." And she shoots back, "Don't worry, I won't let them rape/touch (the movie said rape, but I thought the trailers said touch) you."

;)

During Literature classes today, Smith wrote VIG on the board, and asked the class to hazard a guess at what word meant a short piece of writing. Naturally, my mind sought to complete it with a "go". :)

And here's something to relieve me of thinking too much about them.




Maybe I'll get it out of my system soon? But I hope not. ;)

They say that these are not the best of times
But they're the only times I've ever known
And I believe there is a time for meditation
In cathedrals of our own

Now, I have seen that sad surrender in my lover's eyes
And I can only stand apart and sympathize
For we are always what our situations hand us
It's either sadness or euphoria

So we'll argue and we'll compromise
And realize that nothing's ever changed
For all our mutual experience,
Our separate conclusions are the same

Now we are forced to recognize our inhumanity
Our reason coexists with our insanity
And though we choose between reality and madness
It's either sadness or euphoria

How thoughtlessly we dissipate our energies
Perhaps we don't fulfill each others fantasies
And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives,
With our respective similarities

It's either sadness of euphoria

- Billy Joel

 

Oh, did I mention I'm beginning to go back to listening to BJ, Depeche Mode and The Cure again? Okay, they're not exactly of the same genre, but who cares? Oh, I enjoy Billy Joel. He's got to be one of the best ever. And Sinatra. :)

If you can dream and not make dreams your master
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same

Hoo boy. Check my lit-ish mood out, not that I did "If" for Lit classes, but well, it is a wonderful piece of literature isn't it? What's above is just a tiny excerpt..
 
Okay, Day 2 with my computer back! :) I passed BT2, not too bad I think. As in, at least I passed with the mininum 1A, 2AO. I missed the computer, every single piece of metal. Oh yeah, last wednesday, Helen Tan talked to the class about blogs again. I remember a while back, I had this suspicion that someone found my blog address over the World Wide Web, but now, I somehow found it a little, well, improbable. There're so many, what're the chances that the blog might've been mine? Oh, and over the long break I had from the com, I read a couple of novels. Dan Brown is a wonderful author. I mean, when I was reading his books, I felt as though I was caught up in a real live thriller, as though I was caught up in one of those great movie thrillers. I never had that experience before, not even with the afamed Tom Clancy. Everyone should read Dan Brown. And if you manage to find the Da Vinci Code, lend it to me! It's the last of his books that I have yet to read!

I don't know why, but I thought I had a lot to blog about. Obviously I was wrong. I'm out of words! :/

So, I'll blog again, when I blog. :)

Fulfilment

My goodness, Blogger revamped in the 10 days in which I was gone from the stupid computer. My dad unplugged the whole thing, and I only put it back today. It's so annoying.
 
Don't have very much to say, can't stay for long either, 'cause I want to sleep. Blogger is looking more and more like, LJ! :/
 
 

Because.

I have such deep cravings for chocolate right now. Prepare yourself for a diatribe, or scroll down real fast, or just click and begone to elsewhere.

There's just so much of the past that you have to face up to sometimes, and you don't know if you ever want to. It still kind of stings to hear some things, and perhaps it always will. And maybe it could never have been no matter how long we've persisted; it's always that very same line that runs through my mind, how apt it was. Perhaps some demons haunt you til the day you close your eyes, and perhaps others lie dormant in you.

And maybe they will learn to fade away with time, and maybe time can make all fade away. Healing sounds too pleasant, all too whole.

But tears can be beautiful. Pain can be beautiful. Broken things can be beautiful too. And maybe someday, I can be beautiful.

Just walk on eggshells all your life. Careful not to tread too hard, for nothing is perfect; and nothing can be perfectly broken.

Sometimes, we choose to believe that some things are such, because it is the only way to free ourselves. It would be cruel to take away an illusion, or disillusion. Bitterness serves merely as defense, cruelty, weapon of self-defense. Why do we persist in this? Why do we exist in this world? Is the human pysche so complex.

No, that is not a question. There's simply too many questions, and not enough answers. Mayhap if we stop asking, one day, we'll find the answer to all the pre-existing ones. And perhaps, we'll finally be at peace, not with the world, but with ourselves.

The mood always degenerates when I started writing, or typing. There's just too much of everything inside. Except peace. Speaking, talking is fine, somehow. Speech always seems too personal, makes words hard to flow. They seem to choke me up inside, bidding forth wetness in the eyes. The written word, be it on paper or unto a mass of metal and glass, always lends courage to the weak-hearted, you're behind a mask, and behind a wall. Away from all-knowing gazes and forced gentility.

There's too much time for reflection, too much time for thought. It's always easy when you choose to busy yourself. Why do I persist in this self-torture. To awaken doubts and lay seeds of mistrust and guilt in me.

Hide me. I don't want to face the world.

I am King.

College Day was just a big bore. It was a major snooze-fest up til the last 5 minutes, when this guy (who I didn't catch his name) came on stage to lead the masses to sing. When he sang Glory Hallelujah, there was this huge wave of nostalgia and some sadness overcame me. It reminded me utterly of St Nicks, with our "ai wo, ai wo, shen ni ge la". It's probably stupid, but it was so upsetting that SNG life is replaced with this horrendously boring SA one.

Afterwards, I went out to have dinner with my Mom and Daddy. We had lobster sashimi. :) I got home close to 1030. :/ So little time for my computer. :( There's some CIP thing tomorrow. It's annoying.

I'm bored. Go HERE. It's pretty entertaining.

And if you douches don't know what douche is, you're a douche.

My Mood: Dorky
:)

Pity.

It's a little bit of frustration,a little of sleepiness, a lot of drowsiness, a lot of confusion and a healthy dose of boredom. That's about what school's been like the past 2 days. Not too good I should say.

I think I'll be doing some GP homework soon. :) Hardworking eh?



I see your mouth opening, forming sounds, words, sentence.
I turn away, pretending I did not hear, could not hear.
I already know what you're trying to say,
But as long as I pretend you did not speak, I can pretend
I don't know you're leaving me.

I can pretend you still love me like you used to,
I can pretend you still care like you used to,
I can pretend you still want me like you used to,
I can pretend for as long as I pretend.

My mood goes something like,

Mistake.

I'm irritated. How could Portugal do this to me. :( Yesterday was a horrible day for Finals, or both sorts.

And how could my computer do this to me. Screw up on me AGAIN. This is so very fucked up. I'm so bored. There's school tomorrow, and PE. Ugh. I can't stand the very thought of it. :(

I think I'm getting a new dining table tomorrow, and did I say this yet, but my TV is spoilt. The colour is all wrong. At the four corners, I'm seeing the contrast colour thing. Er, it's like, Instead of seeing red; I'll see blue, instead of blue, I'll see green; instead of green, I'll see red; and white is yellow. So basically I was watching a Blue Portugal playing a green-ish yellow Greece on a red field. How wonderful, ain't it? So anyway, my mom decided to go and be cheapo and buy a cheapo TV. Okay. Whatever.

Anyway, I've been thinking about stealing my bankbook and buying myself a new computer. I'll buy me that iMac. Y'know, the round based, flat screened display? Yea. I think it's a good idea. :)

Forth Eorlingas!

Hate to be this late, but I didn't even know about this, until yesterday! :( And I did not copy and paste this.

On July 1st, the world lost a wonderful actor - Marlon Brando, he passed away at a ripe age of 80. From his first movie in 1950, "The Men" to his last, "Brando and Brando" (which is due release next year), he is one of the greatest actors EVER. Ever heard of movies like, The Wild One, On the Waterfront, The Godfather, Last Tango in Paris and A Streetcar Named Desire? Who could forget that?


Some memorable quotes,

"I don't want to spread the peanut butter of my personality on the mouldy bread of the commercial press."

"The only reason I'm here in Hollywood is because I don't have the moral courage to refuse the money."

"An actor's a guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening."

"If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives."

"He's (Frank Sinatra) the kind of guy that when he dies, he's going up to heaven and give God a bad time for making him bald".


We won't forget.

Just something for the mood. :)

I didn't understand why you cried.

Happy Independence Day! Don't know if I got this down before 12. Who knows. :/

Euro finals coming up later.
Portugal Vs. Greece
A lot of excitement, some trepidation, ounces of fear that my team might not make it. :/ To everyone's who's gonna watch it tonight, and is supporting my team: Let's cross our fingers and hope for the best! Had a belated idea that I should have watched the game with a couple of friends. But the idea, as earlier pointed out, came late. High probabilty that it was because my sleeping patterns were so out of the norm, that I was utterly out of sorts, plus I had some very constant annoyances to take care of. But it'll all be okay soon. I'll be going to school soon. Will be having a normal waking day. But right now, well, I still woke up at 7pm today. :/

In Wimbledon, Roddick is losing to Federer!! :( It's the forth set now, Federer is leading two sets to Roddicks one. :/ And in womens', Maria Sharapova won! Are you going, Maria.. who? She's a Russian teenager, who is the first Russian woman to win the Wimbledon! Beating Williams! Hah. I never like Serena and Venus Williams. She's 17 years old, and she's pretty, and the 3rd youngest player to win the Wimbledon. Martina Hingis was the second I think. :) So in the mean time, go Roddick!

**editted** Damn it. Federer won.

Frozen

At a loss. School's officially starting soon. My computer is rotting, I swear. Each time I open Kazaa Lite, the whole computer hangs. I'm disgusted. And annoyed. I want new songs. I need new music. I don't have near enough mp3 files. I don't know why I blogged all these randomness. :)

And everything in me,
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be;
I'll never let you down,
Even if I could.

I'd give up everything,
If only for your good.
So hold me when I'm here,
Right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared,
You won't always be there.

So love me when I'm gone,
Love me when I'm gone.

By _{Matchbox Twenty}

Inability, ineptitude.

I don't know why, but vulnerabilty seems alright. For now.

I'm going back to my bed to hide under my covers, snuggle into the pillows and stuffed toys alike, like I wanted to just now. Whatever comes, I'll be safe in my bed. Maybe when I get up, I'll get out.

Drift

It seems there's just so much more to annoyed about, than to even feel remotely cheered up about. Annoyance at surprise and unexpectedness.

Been feeling a little under the weather recently. Woke up at 8pm on Thursday night, and slept at 9am in the morning, only to wake up at 1030 the same morning. Slept at around 145am that night and woke up at 7pm, today, Saturday. My sleeping patterns all whacked, and I've effectively spent quite a bit of time the past days, on something that seems like quite a waste of thinking power.

I've got so much things I want to scream about, it just isn't fair that I don't get to.

Petulance. I don't care.

I just want to yawn, and go back to bed. I've been awake for 5 hours, and I'm not pleased at all with my day. I want so go back to bed and hide under the covers.

Not all who wander are lost;

Went Sentosa today, it was sort of a celebration for Esther's birthday. Was supposed to meet at 10am, but I only got to sleep ard 8.30 to 9am, they finally managed to wake me up at 10.30am. Rushed a bit, and cabbed to Sentosa. Wasted money that could have been spent on better things. I didn't get a tan. Slacked around a little.

So anyway, after that went down to town to meet Peishan, and we shopped a little. I felt so stupid wasting my money in Sentosa. I should have kept it, 'cause I saw SO many things in Kinokuya I wanted to get. I wanted to buy some Sandman comics (under Isabella's influence), Lucifer comics, Saiyuki anime VCDs, FOTR extended DVD, TTT extended DVD, ROTK posters which can be LOTR posters because there is no definite markings I think. I wanted the posters because there was like this really nice picture of Strider! :)

So in the end, I bought my TTT extended DVD and one manga. I couldn't get more because of my very limited funds. :(

Anyway, when I got home to see my computer, my little brother, the fatboy screwed up my computer. Even if he refuses to admit it. Stupid idiot. I had to redo SO much on my computer. That stupid idiot. So I'm refusing to watch my TTT DVD. Because I don't want to let him watch it. He's such an asshole. I don't care if that's childish. I don't want to grow up. I can't watch it on my computer because my idiot parents refuse to buy me a decent computer. So I'm stuck with using a Window's 98, Pentium 3 piece of shit that hangs on me almost 3 times a day.

What a fuck up. I'm annoyed. Terribly so. I HATE this piece of shit.